“You okay?” I asked, pulling her tighter against me.
Alisa bit down on her lip. On her face I saw an internal war gathering like storm clouds. I wanted to rip open her mind and stare at each and every thought until I made sense of them.
Instead, I gritted my teeth and waited.
“I’m sorry,” she said eventually, her voice a whisper.
“For what?” I said, confusion seeping into my tone.
She ducked her head, but I refused to let her hide from me. I gently, but firmly raised her face up so she was looking at me.
Alisa puffed out a breath, and said, “I hate feeling this way. Letting it control me even now. I wish I could just move on from this.” Her shoulders sagged, and she whispered, “I just wish that my brain wasn’t so weak…”
I snorted out a laugh. Her eyes narrowed into sapphire daggers. After that blank nothingness in her expression, I relished the burst of emotion.
“You aren’t weak,” I said before she couldtryto filet me with her words. “Two years ago, you told me to kill you to save your brother. You pointed a knife at me even though you knew you couldn’t take me, because you were so desperate to protect him.”
I absently brushed my hand through her hair, and couldn’t help a small smile when she leaned into my touch.
“In our line of work, I didn’t think that anyone had the capacity to care that much—to sacrifice themselves—for anyone else. But that night when I looked into your eyes, I knew you meant it from the depths of your soul: You’d lay down your life for your brother.”
Her big blue eyes grew wet with tears.
“Alisa, you’re so unlike anyone I’ve ever met,” I said with a disbelieving shake of my head.
How she still managed to care in this screwed up world, I couldn’t fathom. All I knew was she’d somehow seeped into my blackened soul, and these blood drenched hands wereneverletting go.
Her voice was a whisper. “Really?”
“Yes, kitten. You have the most beautiful fucking soul,” I said, pressing her into my chest while she cried brokenly. “You’re a fucking miracle.”
I once vowed to break her, but now all I wanted was to destroy the one who caused her pain. My grip on her tightened as I thought of the blankness of her eyes as she laid in my arms like a hollow marionette.
When her throaty cries turned to hiccups, I gently pulled her backwards so I could stare at her tear strewn face.
“Are you going to tell me what happened?” I asked.
Alisa swallowed, trying to collect her words. “A year ago, s-someone ambushed me when I walked out of the bathroom at a party. H-he pulled my pants down…”
“The same way I just did?” I guessed, keeping my voice casual when all I wanted to do was drive my fist into the nearest wall.
Instead, I moved my hand outside of Alisa’s field of vision, and gripped the couch cushion hard enough to feel the metal piping underneath.
She nodded and continued in a haunted voice. “He t-touched me all over, and I couldn’t stop him…”
Her voice trailed off, and I dreamt up all the ways I could torture that motherfucker once I had him in my grasp. A simple death wouldn’t suffice. No, I’d listen to his screams for mercy until his voice gave out. I’d dangle a hint of hope in front of his eyes by bandaging him up…
Just so I could start all over again.
Alisa began speaking again, and it halted my thoughts.
“He stopped, because I was on my p-period. It was too d-disgusting for him.”
So that’s why she’d been so embarrassed by her period. Why she’d been completely convinced that I wouldn’t want her because of it.
Alisa’s eyes became distant, and my pulse picked up pace.
Still, I kept my voice steady as I said, “Stay with me, Alisa.”
