We moved into the closet, and he wrapped me in his arms with a tenderness that surprised me.
“This is who you really are,”hesaid while noddingat the mirror. Mascara ran down my cheeks, and the tears from earlier created a trail of white down my bronzed face.Lipstickand glittery cumspread out from my lips in a swirly display of debauchery.
“When you fix your makeup, you’re going to pretend that you’re still a good girl. But this,”he spread the lipstick further across my face before continuing, “is who you really are.”
Inibbledon my lip. There was somethingthat'd beenbothering me.
“Is there something wrong with me?” I asked.
His hand trailed down my face and caressed my jaw.“What do you mean?”
“Why do I enjoy pain?” That admission of vulnerability terrified and thrilled me.
“What about that scares you?” he asked.
Part of me wondered if I shouldn’t bevolunteeringanymore information, but the larger part of me reminded myself that I’d just meltedintohis arms while he hurt me and pleased me. He knewhow dark my desires were, yet he was holding me tenderly.
“When I’ve been in fights or been beat up, I didn’t enjoy it. So why do I like it now?” I said.
His fingers twistedthroughmy hair.“Because you’re safe even when it doesn’t feel like it.Even when I’m whipping you so hard that you cry, you’re safe.”
Safe? The last thing I should feel is safe when I’m with him. His brother was the reason I’d left behind my entire life.
My stomach recoiled at thereminder. And nowSebastianwas leaving me togotothe very person who’d ruined my life. Desperation clawed up my chest.
“Please, don’t go.” I hated how needy my voice sounded.
His jaw tightened, and for a moment I thought he would relent.
Instead, he shook his head, and reached for the door handle.
Chapter 45
When we walked through the door, Anya was standing outside. Her eyes werestaringdown at the ground, and I noticed a hint of fear in them.
“Where is my brother?” Sebastian asked Anya.
“He’s in his office,” Anya replied, hesitation slipping into her voice.
Sebastian turned back to me.“I’ll come find you when I’m done.Don’tget into trouble.”
When all of this was over, either Luca or myself would be lying dead. I knew who Sebastian would pick. I tried to ignore the pain that realization swelled inside me.
Instead of replying, I turned my back on him.
After his footsteps receded away from us, Anya looked up from the wooden floors for the first time.
“You need to fix your makeup. Come.” The assurance was back in her voice as sheledme down the hallway. I should’ve been embarrassed that someone was witnessing me in this state. But unlike Sebastian, this woman wasn’t abandoning me.
When we were back in the changing room from earlier, she began removing my makeup.
“I thought you weren’t planning on having sex tonight,”Anyasaid, a smirk on herartificiallyplumped lips as she took in the state of my makeup.
I rolled my eyes, but I couldn’t keep a laugh from bubbling out of me. What a weird night this had been.
A smile cracked across her face.“I’m relieved he didn’t seem upset with me. When I rang the doorbell,I was worried hemighthurtme for interrupting,” she said.
I knew Sebastian would never do that, but the nonchalant way she expressed the idea of a man beating her worried me.
