It’s like she was made to ruin me.
The loudest part of me wants to let her. I want to turn around and sprint back to her. I want to knock on her door, sweep her up into my arms and tell her I’m the only one that should be touching her, that I can give her everything she wanted from that kiss and more. I’ll capitalize on all those fantasies I’ve seen in her eyes.
But I can’t. Not until I have a clear head.
The logistics matter, not just emotions. Having her for a night isn’t an option. She’s too gentle, too sweet, and looking for directions in life. How can I give her that without bulldozing her? How can I let down every wall I’ve built and let myself be with her?
I don’t even remember how to date. It’s been too long. I’ve always kept things clear with the women I’ve been with—short flings while on leave, clean boundaries, no expectations. Fun without depth.
Hailey is the opposite of all of that.
Everything about her has weight. Our conversations skim the surface at times, but there’s always something deeper underneath, something she’s holding back. And the more I sense it, the more I realize I don’t know how to approach her without wanting more than I’m supposed to.
Rubbing my forehead, I shake my head of every thought and run. It’s not to put more space between us, not really. It’s toclear my head. One foot in front of the other, a time to beat, a destination, everything clearly cut. It’s straight forward, direct, no gray area. There’s not magic in the gray area right now, only doubt.
I can either wallow in it, or run, clear it all away, then focus on what to do next.
By the time I get home, I feel lighter. Not because the pull is gone, but because I didn’t cross another line. I let myself feel something—and then I stopped.
I can still taste Hailey, still hear the soft hitch in her breath, still feel the way she pressed into me like she trusted me not to take more than she offered. That doesn’t fade just because I walked away.
If I went back now, she wouldn’t understand. And I wouldn’t have the words. How do I explain that it isn’therthat gives me pause, but everything around her? The age gap. Who her father is. The fact that she’s still figuring out whether this place—this life—is even what she wants.
It’s not her fault I kissed her. It’s mine. I took the step. I didn’t stay away.
Now I have to figure out how we can work – if we can work at all. Maybe it’s a fluke. Maybe it’s just a rush of having contact with someone who understands me, who doesn’t shy away from my life but doesn’t hold on a pedestal because of it. There’s too much to sort out in my head to try to manage it while with her beside me.
“Fuck,” I hiss as I muse my hair and pace in front of my bunk again. Thinking is harder than any obstacle course, round of paperwork, or scheduling.
It’s also my only option.
Chapter 11 - Hailey
It’s been four days. Day one was total confusion, but hope. Hope that Wes just needed to compose himself and he’d come back to me, sweep me off my feet and kiss me silly, telling me we’d figure everything out.
He didn’t come. By day two, I was sure I’d see him at the bar—he shows up every other night. But he wasn’t there. His table sat empty until some privates sat down and happily ordered drinks. I passed on a smile and forced myself to focus on the moment.
Day three, the abandonment kicked in. One kiss was enough to send him running because he could taste how inexperienced I am. I’m sure of it. It’s a thought that still fills my head now on day four. But I’m angry too. Because I offered him myself, I would have given him everything.
Half because I thought he’d be the kind of man who would respect what I’m offering. He’s noble, he’s strong, he’s protective and stable. He’s so many things which doesn’t spell out kissing and running.
My heart aches and I know Melissa can tell, but she just says ‘you’ll find someone else’ assuming he brushed me off. Imean, he did, but I kissed him first. I fell into him and no kiss has ever felt like that. Slow and decadent, delicious and full of surrendering to his control happily. Maybe I am naïve. Maybe I don’t understand the way people work like I thought I did.
But it’s not going to break me.
I hadn’t been late for a single shift, despite the sleepless nights spent wondering what went wrong. It had been a good kiss—for me. He’d swooped in and saved me like some avenging angel, or a hero straight out of a romance book. We’d been stewing in tension, and he’d been consistent about being there, even if our conversations weren’t romantic, even if he didn’t flirt beyond subtle shifts of his gaze.Scoffing to myself, I shake my head.
“I have early watch in the morning on top of drill. Can you finish up?” Melissa asks.
“Yeah,” I answer.
It’s already two a.m. We already closed and again… no Wes. Captain Holt. I’ll have to adjust to that again.
Sighing, I get to work cleaning tables, then call it a night and head for the spare bedroom at the activity center. I’m too exhausted to make the drive home, and I was told I could use it whenever I needed. My car is fine out front, and right now the only plan is getting a few solid hours of sleep.
Which is immediately ruined when a siren goes off.
Gasping, I sit up and slide out of bed, ignoring the fact I’m not wearing pants. I open the door. “Michael!”
