Chapter Fifteen: Lila
If there’s one thing I’ve learned about the FDNY in the past couple of weeks, it’s that they hold more meetings than the United Nations.
Which is really fine for me and my goals, as well as theirs, but the difference between my situation and the UN is that the honorable countries of this world are way too focused on maintaining international peace to end up making out with multiple member nations behind the scenes.
At least, I think so. Who knows what really goes on at those summits?
And it’s not like I’mnotfocused on my job. I am. So focused, in fact, that I dream about it most nights.
Unfortunately, I dream about a lot of other things, too.
Like being pressed into a rough brick wall by Hale or lifted up onto my kitchen counter with his strong hands. Like Noah holding me tightly against his muscular body in the dark and his unapologetic moans when I dug my fingernails into his scalp. Like Evan, shirtless and glistening with sweat, reaching for me with a fierce dominance than I didn’t quite expect from him.
I know all the words I’m supposed to call myself. I know the words that many others would easily call me.
Slut. Whore. Trollop, if they wanted to be old-fashioned about it.
But it’s not like I tried to make any of this happen. That first kiss with Hale felt less like a choice and more like a moment that I’d been barreling toward for my entire life. The second one, too. It’s like we can’t be alone together, or we’ll end up colliding like magnets.
And Noah… it was so dark down there, and he was so warm. So bright and sunshine-y even in the shadows. How could I not be drawn to him?
Evan, too. The sweetheart of the trio with the sparkly eyes. He seemed so completely lost yesterday when I found him down in the gym, as if he was simultaneously running from something and racing toward it at the same time. I wanted to comfort him, not maul him. As it turned out, however, comforting him meant giving in to the desire I could see mirrored in his golden gaze.
It’s not my fault.
Except, of course, it’s completely my fault.
But that’s not the point.
The point is that Hale has called a meeting, citing a need for clarity regarding the remainder of the Save A Hero campaign now that the three main episodes have been filmed. I’ve decided to interpret it as a brainstorming session, because there’s no way he’s getting rid of me that easily.
Noah and Evan are also here, and in an effort not to be left alone with my three heroes, I begged Lou to drag herself over to Station 47 this morning so that she could also participate.
“You look like a librarian,” she told me the moment she arrived.
Indeed, as if to distract myself from my own bad decisions, I’ve dressed in a flowy skirt that falls to mid-calf and an oversized sweater. Loose, shapeless clothing paired with basic canvas sneakers so that I can be comfortable and focused on what matters most: my job.
“Librarians are the unsung heroes of our society,” I countered. “It’s mean to suggest that looking like one is bad, Lou.”
My friend merely rolled her eyes. She didn’t need me to explain my outfit choice, anyway. We both know I’m making the totally un-feminist choice to slut shame myself, as if how covered up my body is has anything to do with my right to kiss whoever I want.
Except, in this situation, I actually don’t have that right. Because of the rule about no fraternization.
And the fact that I’m supposed to be a professional PR specialist, not a walking kissing booth.
“—looks like most of the TikTok comments are generally positive,” Lou is saying to the others when I finally remember that I’m supposed to be paying attention. “Although, there is one comment here accusing Noah of using AI on his abs.”
“What!?” He’s leaning casually against the wall, but his jaw drops when he hears this. “Dude, I wouldn’t even know how to do that! Also, my abs haven’t even been on display since—”
“Since the kitten debacle,” Lou finishes for him. “Yes, yes. I’ve hidden the comment. Don’t worry.”
“AI abs…” he mutters, pouting in a way that makes me smile.
He’s just so adorable. Like a sentient teddy bear.
Hale clears his throat loudly, drawing everyone’s attention. We’re gathered in his office, since the conference rooms are being used today for some routine training sessions that most of the staff have to sit through on a regular basis.
“So, that’s your main priority at this point?” Hale asks. “Monitoring TikTok comments?”
