“Blake, you don’t have to keep apologizing.”
“I know, but?—”
“It’ll be okay,” I said, cutting in.“And, I am always going to be there for you, no matter what.But I think it’s important for you to rely on Mom and Dad too, because it’s the only way they’re ever really going to face what happened and see how it’s affected you.”
I could’ve sworn I heard the hint of tears in my brother’s voice when he responded.“I know.I just fucking hate how fucked up it all is.”
“Nobody ever said life was easy, and you know that better than most of us,” I said softly.
A few minutes later, I stopped in front of my parents’ house.Blake sat for a long moment, staring up at the windows in the apartment above the garage.
“It’s bigger than my studio,” I pointed out.
His laugh was dry.“Good point.I have a job.”
“You do?”I tried not to sound surprised, but I was.
“Yep.I do.”
“Well, good.”
I thought he expected me to ask more questions, but I knew enough now not to get excited about anything.He needed to keep that job, even if he didn’t like it.
“It’s construction.I need something physical.It keeps me focused, you know?Occupied mentally,” he explained.
“I understand.”Another glance over, and the sadness and shame in his eyes lanced my heart.
“Thanks again, Kendall.”
“Anytime,” was all I could manage through the tears wicking up in my throat.
I waited until he’d closed the door on the apartment and wiped away tears as I drove away, trying to breathe in enough air to ease the weight pressing down on my chest.I didn’t know how I’d ever scramble out from under this mess in my family.As was always the case, my thoughts turned to Jude.
A sad note in all of this, at least in this particular moment, was that Jude was the friend who understood all of this.The person I always turned to.I was so afraid I was going to fuck it all up.
But then, I thought we were already past the point of no return.We’d crossed the line.It was almost as if we were skydiving and we’d already jumped.We really needed a parachute, but we were each other’s parachutes.And, what happened if we lost that?
ChapterTwenty-Five
Kendall
I walked in the door to my apartment.It was five minutes to six, and already dark outside.With it being the middle of winter, the sun had set swiftly.
I sighed and raced into the bathroom, thinking I had time to change.There was a knock on the door, and I heard Jude’s voice as he opened it.“Kendall?”
“Come in!”I called.
As I took a long look at myself in the mirror, I noticed I still had a piece of hay in my hair.I brushed it out, tossed it into the trash, and let out a soft laugh.I probably smelled like horses.
I walked out into the main area of my otherwise single-room apartment.“I didn’t have time to shower,” I announced.
Jude’s eyes landed on me, and he set the bags of food on my kitchen counter.“What happened?You look kind of stressed out.”
I opened my mouth to gloss over his question.Instead, I burst into tears.
Within seconds, Jude crossed to me and wrapped me in his arms.I sobbed into his chest, one arm banding around his waist and the other clutching his T-shirt where his jacket hung open.His palm moved in a soothing pass up and down my back as he held me through the storm of tears.
It passed quickly, and I took several shuddering breaths, breathing in the scent of him, so familiar, a little woodsy, earthy, with an underlying tang that was just Jude to me.I released his shirt and flattened my palm against his warm chest.I leaned back, glancing up before swiping at my tears with my fingertips.
