In short order, we’d said our goodbyes, and I ignored the sly looks from my brothers.Once we were in my truck, I started to doubt this whole thing.I didn’t want to screw this up.
“What are you thinking?”she said from my side.
I briefly slid my gaze over before focusing on the road again.“I’m starting to worry that we could fuck our whole friendship up.”
“You’re worried,now?”she cut in, her tone sarcastic.
I took a slow breath.I understood her frustration.
“Kendall, you’re my best friend.”
“And, you’re mine.”
I wasn’t thinking when I reached over, searching for her hand.She laced her fingers in mine.Connecting with her simple touch grounded me and slowed the spinning inside my chest.
There were so many things I loved about being part of a big family, but sometimes I could feel lost in it.Ever since our father had died, and I’d been the one to find him that day, collapsed on the ground, it felt like I’d let everybody down.All through that, even now, Kendall seemed to understand, to see me in a way that nobody else did.Which was why this was so heavy.
Because if I screwed it up—ifwescrewed it up—I’d be losing the person most important to me.I couldn’t bear that.I’d break my own heart.
The rest of the drive was quiet.After I parked and we walked up to her apartment together, I could have taken that moment to slow this down.But I didn’t.
Kendall’s eyes met mine just as she put her hand on her doorknob and turned it.Curling one hand over hers, I placed my other palm on the door and pushed it open.
As soon as we were inside, she released my hand out of necessity.She hung her jacket up and slipped her feet out of her boots.I followed suit, because it felt like we were on a track.I had to simply see it through to wherever it took us.
She twisted her hands together as she turned to look up at me, chewing the inside of her cheek.
“Nowyou’rethe one who looks worried,” I pointed out, my words soft.
Her shoulders rose as she took a deep breath, the sound audible as she let it out in a gust.
“Tell me what you want,” she whispered.
“You.What doyouwant?”
ChapterFifteen
Kendall
You.What do you want?
I couldn’t formulate a clear answer to say what I wanted because it was so big.It was almost too much to capture with words.But I knew there was one step along the way.
“Kiss me,” I whispered.
The air around us felt like the sky before a storm at night, just as lightning was cracking across it, electricity jagged and bright in the darkness.I’d kept my feelings contained so thoroughly that it felt as if the doors had been blown off my heart.
Jude’s eyes were dark as he stared down at me.“Kendall,” he rasped.
I sensed his hesitation.“We’ve already kissed.Twice,” I whispered.
My sense of impatience was burgeoning, gathering force and speed inside me.I reached for his hand.It was warm and strong as his fingers curled around mine.He held it for a moment and then looked down, almost in surprise.
I took the lead, closing the distance between us and placing my palm on his chest where I could feel the thump of his heart while mine rioted in my chest.I was always the good girl.Always taking care of everyone.Never ruffling any feathers.Making sure to be responsible.To stay out of the way.Always the one whose needs were put in the corner.Because I had to be, or at least that was how I felt.
Unlike other people who mattered to me, Jude had truly been there for me when I needed someone.And yet, I was tired, so very weary from keeping my feelings for him tucked away.Hidden in a corner, a corner where maybe those feelings were messy, where maybe they could cause problems.
“Jude,” I said.“We’ve already crossed that line.”I saw the doubts spinning in his eyes.“I promise our friendship comes first.If something happens,thatis what matters.You mean too much to me.I’m not going to let it fall apart.”
