“I think so.I mean, as far as I know.”
“That’s an interesting answer.What do you mean by that?”
“I don’t really like talking about myself much.I hope you don’t mind.”
I stop the interrogation before it starts.Phyllis already grilled me today, and she’ll certainly pass on to Finn what she’s heard.With Finn, I want a fresh slate.I want to be a different person.A different woman.
A woman who isn’t defined by past hardships.A woman who is finally coming into her own, or at least trying.
That’swho I want Finn to know.
“Fair enough.May I ask how you like the ranch?Do you need anything?”
“I love the ranch.”I blurt this out like a woman desperate to stay.Which I am.
“I know Reno is a city, but do you like to ride?”
“Ride…?”
“A horse.”
“I’ve never been on a horse.In fact, I’ve never been in the country until two days ago.”
Finn laughs.“Well, you’re in for it now, since country is all we got around here.I can teach you to ride, if you’d like.”
I stare down at my hands, fiddling and twisting in my lap.“You don’t have to do that, Finn.I know you’re a very busy man.”I raise my head and stare straight ahead out the windshield.“I’m here to make your homelife run smoother so that you can do the things you’d rather do.The last thing I want is to be a bother.”
Finn lets out a sharp laugh.“Okay.”He stays quiet a moment, and I worry I came off as too prissy, too stiff.
It’s safe to say that I don’t know what the hell I’m doing.I worry about being too much and then I worry about not being enough.I worry I’m coming off as too interested and then a minute later I worry I sound standoffish.
It’s funny, really.I met Finn because I work for him, and that means I can never have more.But if we’d met some other way out in the world, he wouldn’t have even noticed I was alive, which would mean I could never have more.
It’s a lose-lose situation.I’m the loser.
“You’re not a bother.”Finn’s voice sounds strained.“I think I would enjoy teaching you, and once you’re comfortable, you can go riding with Jasmine.She’d like that… a lot.”
I cast a sideways glance his way, trying not to move my head.His profile indicates he’s serious.He might trust me with Jasmine one day.“Thank you.”It’s the only response I can manage.
We arrive at the ranch, and Finn parks in front of his house.“You didn’t answer my question,” he says.
“What question?”
“Do you need anything, Emma?”
My skin prickles.My body hums.The sound of my name on his tongue is almost too much for me.Oh, good gracious I’m seeing spots.
“I need… yes, um, I might like to go grocery shopping at some point.If you want me to continue cooking, I mean.If you don’t, that’s perfectly understandable.Just let me know.I don’t want to interfere with your routine or step on anyone’s toes or make—”
One corner of Finn’s mouth curls up.I go silent.
“You’re a spectacular cook.Please cook for us, Emma.”
“I’d love to.”I smile at him.“Phyllis stocked your house with some food while we were out last night.”
He nods.“I figured.I mean, those bomb-ass muffins weren’t made of sand and Barbie shoes from the donate pile.”
I freeze.I’m on the verge of chuckling, but I’m not sure if that would be okay.I’m not familiar with his sense of humor, though I think he has one, and it’s on the dry side.But has he really moved on enough from that horrible moment that he can poke fun at himself?
