But now I have a license, a little rectangle of plastic with my name, age, height, weight, eye color, and address on it.I’m real.I exist.And maybe one day, if I can keep this job at Yosemite Ranch, I’ll have enough money to buy a car of my own.
Just days ago, such a concept would have been as likely as me being elected president of the United States.
A lot has changed in a very short time.
“You don’t like your photo?”Finn stands next to me.
I look up at him.“Huh?”
He points at my license.“You’ve been staring at it for a while now.Most women aren’t happy with their driver’s license photo, but yours is beautiful.Uh… you know, very nice.The lighting is good.”
I hide my smile.“I wasn’t looking at the photo, just the overall license.I can’t believe I have one.Especially since I don’t actually know how to drive.”
“As I said, you drive fine for Sweetbriar, and by the time you decide to venture farther away, you’ll have the hang of it for sure.”
“Oh.Thanks.”I can’t think of anything else to say.Finn is being nice to me.Thoughtful.And he smells so good this close to me.I don’t know if it’s the scent of the soap or shampoo he uses or if it’s his cologne, but whatever it is, it makes me lose my train of thought.
I take a sidestep, putting some space between us.It’s not good to notice a boss’s cologne.Or notice the way he looks at you.Or how unbelievably solid and strong he feels when you touch him.
“It was really great seeing you, Summer.”Melvin stands in the DMV doorway eyeballing Summer like she’s a Vegas all-you-can-eat buffet.
“Back at ya!”Summer bounds out to the car like a wild horse.She gives me a bear hug, squeezing me so tight it hurts.“Congratulations!You did it, Emma!”
“We did it,” I whisper.
Melvin isn’t giving up.He’s coming out to the car.Actually, he’s not a bad looking guy, maybe thirty-ish, pretty fit, light brown hair.I get the feeling that they went to school together, and maybe Melvin has always had a thing for Summer.
Except for those strategic moments during my tests, Summer hasn’t encouraged his attention.She doesn’t seem to mind it, though.It’s like she just accepts it and keeps smiling.Always smiling.If she weren’t becoming a good friend, I would envy her.
I wonder what it’s like to go through the world the way Summer does, how it would feel to live without the kind of baseline level of unease I deal with.
I’ve always pictured my anxiety as the contents of a small black backpack I carry with me wherever I go.I have happy moments, sure, but the weight of it is always there.Only on rare occasions can I drop the bag from my shoulders, unzip it, and sort through the contents.
The occasions are rare because I have to be sure I’m in a safe and private space with plenty of time afterward to pack it up and pull myself together.
Summer hands me the keys to the Toyota.“You can drive us home, now that you’re legal.”
“I’m not going back in that Toyota,” Finn says.“I already need a chiropractor.I arranged for another ride.And here it is.”
As if by magic, Finn’s Mercedes SUV pulls up to the curb.A ranch hand comes out and hands Finn the key fob.
“Thanks, Joe.This is more my speed.”
Finn pats Joe on the back and checks out his shiny, very expensive four-wheel-drive vehicle.I think I was too nervous last night to get a good look at it.I can’t even guess how much something like this costs.Probably more than every paycheck I’ve ever received in my whole life, including the one I never went to pick up.
“Ready, Emma?”
I back away, shaking my head.“No.Absolutely not.I am not ready to drive that.”
Finn goes to the passenger door and opens it, smiling.“I’m driving.You’re the passenger.”
“Oh.”
“Hey, hey!Hold up!”Summer’s fists plops down on her hips and she straightens one leg out to the side.“Emma’s with me and she’s driving.She needs practice.”
I hope that Finn wins this argument.I’ve had enough of driving today.Every muscle in my body is sore from tensing for so long.I need a break.
“Coming?”
