The room is dark.I see no movement except for the small form in her bed.She flails her arms and legs under the duvet, pitiful cries and moans punctuated by an occasional hiss.
“Get off me.”
I set the knife on the floor and sit on the edge of her bed.I stroke the side of her face, carefully, softly.She recoils from me in her sleep, probably incorporating me in her nightmare.“Emma, wake up.You’re having a nightmare.Emma, come on now.Please wake up.”
She lets go with a gut-wrenching sob.I continue trying to wake her, cautiously, not wanting to cause her any more distress.Finally she bolts upright, her eyes huge in the darkness.
She rears back and hits me across the face.
“It’s me.It’s Finn.You’re safe.”
She releases a shocked exhale.Stares into the darkness, her head on a pivot, using her feet to scrabble away from me.She blinks, finally recognizing me.She collapses in relief, then throws herself into my arms, clutching my shoulders.
“Finn.Oh no.No, no, no, no.”She breaks down in tears.
I hug her tight to me.“What is it?What’s going on?”
She shakes her head against my neck.“It’s nothing.Nothing.I’m fine.Just hold me for a minute.”
I press her close to me, hoping to provide some sense of safety for her.“You can tell me.”
“It’s silly.Just a bad dream.Thank you.”She pushes away from my embrace.
“Baby, tell me.Let me help you with this.I’m right here.”
“No.”She immediately tries to smooth over the harsh response with a smile.“Really.”She strokes my forearm.“I’m good now.Thank you for checking on me.You can go back to bed.We don’t want Jasmine to see you in here.Good night.”She kisses me on the cheek.
I tip my head and stare at her.She either thinks I’m a fool or it’s damn important that I don’t see she has demons.Demons so horrible that they made her scream in her sleep.
And I’m pretty sure she doesn’t think I’m a fool.
So Emma’s holding back from me.Hiding something huge enough to drive her to this kind of terror.The kind of terror I saw in her face that night at the fair.
“Let me protect you, Emma.I’m pretty good at it.”
She cups my face in her hands, and we lock eyes.“If only you could.”
“I can.”
“You can’t, Finn.Nobody can.”
The look on her face is pure anguish.I’d do anything to relieve her suffering, take it from her and put it on myself.
She wipes her eyes and smiles weakly.“I don’t deserve you.”
“You’re right.You deserve so much more than me.”
She frowns and shakes her head, but it’s true.I haven’t treated her the way she deserves.I’ve used her for my own pleasure.I’ve been bonking the housekeeper, for fuck’s sake.
She deserves so much more than I’ve given her.
I study her face in the darkness.Her eyes are swollen from crying.Her hair is a mess.I can’t resist the temptation—the temptation of Emma.I glide my thumb over her lips and she sighs.I feel her warm breath on my fingers.
And just like that, my body ignites with desire for her.
Even now, when she’s at her most vulnerable, all I can think of is taking her.
I’m a bastard.
