I have a million questions for her, but I don’t dare ask the first one, which has to do with becoming a member of the MacLaine family.I don’t want to let on that in my secret heart of hearts, that’s where my mind has been going.That I’ll live with Finn and Jasmine forever as a member of the family, not the housekeeper.
“See?”Phyllis says.“I’m boring, but there’s an interesting backstory there.”
“I never thought you were boring.”
She points at me.“Andyou’renot boring either.You are beautiful and caring and bright and you’ve changed Finn and Jasmine’s lives for the better.”
“That’s nice of you to say, but I really am boring.I clean and cook.I never went to college or most of high school.I’ve never been married or had a serious relationship.I spend Christmases alone.Ditto all the other holidays.I’ve never traveled anywhere much outside Nevada.I’m not even a fan of spicy food.So I have to disagree with you on that.Bo-ring!”
She reaches for my hand again.“Were you always a foster child?Can you remember a time when you were with your parents?”
Her question takes me off guard.I get that she wants to know more about me, but I didn’t realize she wants to start at the very beginning.The beginning I know nothing about.
“I think I was a baby when I was…” I don’t know the correct word.Abandoned?Thrown away?Lost?
Since I could remember, I’ve accepted my fate: Orphan.Alone.Survivor.The whys and hows don’t even matter.
“I never found out what happened,” I tell Phyllis.
“No records?”
I shake my head.“Sealed.”
“Are you sure?”
I nod.“I’m sure.I tried.”
I don’t want to get into the rest.How I dropped out of school at sixteen, had to deal with the juvenile court system, and how I went to legal aid to fight for my right to become an emancipated minor.I was living in a cheap apartment with three other girls at the time, working two waitressing jobs, but I was already supporting myself.
During that process, the state was forced to hand over a lot documents, but none gave me any information about my birth parents or how I wound up in the system.
But I did get free.
I shrug.“I guess I’m a mystery.”
“And you’ve taken care of yourself all this time.Did you have a nice foster family?”
Gee, that’s a loaded question.“I had at least nine foster families, but those are only the ones that I remember.”
“Nine!”
“My first clear memory is the family I lived with when I was six.”I cut another slice of bread and hope she didn’t see me shudder.That foster mother liked to slap me when she wasn’t happy with me.Luckily, she slapped me too hard once, and when the social worker came over and saw my bruise, I was moved.“They weren’t all bad.”
“But some were?”Phyllis’s question is soft, as if she’s trying to be gentle with me but still get the info she wants.
I have no desire to dredge up the bad, let alone the worst.
“Not everyone is perfect,” I say.“I don’t like to dwell on it.”
She nods.“So that’s why you ran away and dropped out—because of your foster family at the time.”
I stare at the tabletop, knowing I don’t dare look at her.I won’t let her see me like this.
“Phyllis, I’m sorry, but I can’t… I don’t…” I start, stumbling over the words as I shake my head.Oh, no.My throat is closing up and hot tears sting my eyes.I blink quickly, trying to stop them before they escape.
This is exactly what I didn’t want to happen.
“Oh my poor, dear, sweet girl.”Phyllis comes to my side of the table and wraps her arms around me.“I’m too damned pushy for my own good or anyone else’s good.Please forgive me, honey.I never meant to upset you.”
