I know he’s watching me. I can feel his stormy eyes on me, but I can’t bring myself to look back. I jump onto the front porch, hurriedly stepping behind the small support beam as if it will hide me.
A second later, the headlights of his truck flash, and I hear the crunch of gravel underneath his wheels as he reverses out of my driveway. Stifling the shuddering breath, I close my eyes. I can’t see him leave. I can’t watch him disappear.
Maybe that way in my mind this will forever stay a dream. One of those so impossible that I actually allow myself to have them.
Or maybe…that’s exactly why I ran.
I won’t look, but there’s nothing stopping my heart from feeling his warmth, his protection, drive farther and farther away. He left like I knew he would. My heart aches, along with the rest of my body where he touched me.
It wasn’t a declaration of love. It was something else. Something deeper—more raw and unhinged.
Like a claiming of sorts.
Now those spots feel empty and bare and all the hurt he covered up tonight, appearing on my battered body again. Every bruise and fear and cut. Nothing hurt when he was here. Nothing bled or stung.
Nothing but my heart that seems to be lost at a junction.
It will pass. In a few days, weeks, months, I will forget Severin Minaev and just hang onto tonight.
The tears pour down my face, tasting saltier than ever before because they are laced with lies I’m forced to tell myself to feed my soul.
“Ray of my—” Stella’s words cut off as soon as I slump against the front door and slide down to the floor. “Jesus Christ!” she yelps, running around the couch and crouches on the floor next to me. Her warm arms wrapping around me immediately as she takes my face and studies the bruises on it.
She’s frantic but gentle, and it feels comforting but not as safe as the hands that were just holding me.
The hands that just left a bloody mess behind to protect me.
It’s not the hands of the man I’ve allowed into my heart, and another tear slides down my face.
Stella’s eyes carefully catalog my state. The bruises on my face, my pale skin, the shirt I’m wearing that doesn’t belong to me and the lone tear slowly making its way down.
“What happened tonight?” Stella asks sternly.
I close my eyes, leaning my head against the door behind. “A lot. A lot happened tonight.”
Stella curses softly under her breath. “Let’s go,” she snaps.
“Wh-where?”
Where is everyone trying to take me tonight? I just want to stay still. I just want the fucked-up world around me to stay still for one moment. Just long enough for me to catch my breath.
I can’t make out what’s up or down right now. I can’t process the events that nearly tore my life apart once more and then blew it all up in an array of fireworks. One second, I was fighting to live another day, and the next, Severin was there like some sort of avenging angel, bringing to life every long-forgotten desire. One second my heart was running from those two men and my brother, and the next it was fighting me in the arms of the only man I feel safe with.
A bolt of sharp pain pierces through my head and I clutch it, wincing.
“To the hospital,” Stella announces, and I start to shake my head violently.
“You know I wouldn’t step a foot in there even if the world was ending.”
The last time I was in one, was five years ago and just a mere thought of those days brings back every dark memory of the worst night of my life.
The therapists I could afford through my insurance kept telling me I need to face the events of that night. I need to allow the memories to come back and stop blocking that part of me.
No, thank you.
I still don’t recall everything from that night. Just pieces and glimpses.
I turned off my mind the second I woke up hazy but in pain, and just the reminder of a hospital sends an ache through my head, threatening to bring those memories back, despite my wishes.
