In our culture, we don’t waste time on polite chit-chat. Or it might be just my lovely family, but who am I to stray from traditions and get straight to business?
“Is father still breathing?”
She sighs, exasperated with me. “Yes.”
“Shame,” I deadpan without an ounce of emotion. “I guess call me when things change.”
“Severin! You cannot go around saying that!” Mom snaps.
“Only because you thrive in your role of the victim, doesn’t mean I do too. Sorry, those genes skipped me.”
She gasps just before her tone picks up a few notches. “Severin—”
“Yeah, yeah, I’m the problem here. I know, but I’m not in the mood to discuss how big of a disappointment I’ve turned out to be. Good talk, Mother.”
I go to hang up when she sneaks in another question, knowing I won’t be able to ignore it.
“You are planning to come to Katerina’s engagement party, right?” My little ballerina cousin is the only relative I consider family, and not so long ago she managed to fall in love with a biker slash hip hop dancer who looks like he’ll kill you if you as much as look wrong in his fiancée’s direction.
The details of that relationship are murky, but I was never one to stick my nose in other people’s business—unless, apparently, you happen to be the main character of my nightmares and the most gorgeous single mom with the most brilliant kid—so I’m still surprised Katerina’s rich asshole parents, also known as my aunt and uncle allowed this marriage to happen.
But I’ve never been more proud of anyone for sticking their ground.
“Yes, I’ll be there for Katerina.”
“Good.” I can practically see my mother’s snobby nose tilt up as if she’s the one who orchestrated me showing up there. “Youneed to respond to the RSVP. Aunt Maria needs to know if you’re bringing a plus one.”
“No.”
“What do you mean, no? You’restillnot seeing anyone?”
Why did she have to call today of all days? Why, when I’m already barely holding on?
My fingers tighten around the phone. “No, Mother. I am not seeing anyone after my wife died. Sorry, I’m such a disappointment and don’t have at least five lovers on the side like Father.”
This time it’s mom who hangs up the phone, leaving a blessed silence around a loud emptiness surrounding me.
I’ve never had an easy relationship with my father and that’s putting it mildly. I wasn’t the son he envisioned, and he was a far cry from father of the year. Mom always tried to remain neutral—or rather, detached—and I understood that, accepted it even.
Until five years ago when he took it a step too far, yet she remained at his side.
Russian media calls them the power couple of the century. Soulmates. I snort out a laugh. I guess you can become one if the price is right. And father is not one of the most prominent businessmen in the world for nothing, right?
Money. It’s always about fucking money and power.
I take a deep breath, dumping thoughts of my family into a trash can where they belong and straighten up, taking a step toward my bedroom…only to stop dead right away. A piece of paper with doodles on it is lying amongst other things I sent flying when I threw my bag. It’s partially crumbled, and I can see a corner ripping off.
Emett’s tender eyes flash in front of my own. It’s the drawing Emett gave for saving his mom.
I bend down, picking up the crumbled paper and stare at the massive blue bloop that was supposed to be me. A pink slightlysmaller one that’s Aurora, and a tiny one holding a hockey stick on the side that’s Emett.
I was supposed to put it in my office, along with other gifts I get from the fans and forget about it. That was the plan after I promised myself to never go back to Iris Lake. But with every second that I sit here, watching all the swirly lines crossing and twisting like our lives, a fist tightens around my heart.
Every night this past week I saw her. In my nightmares. Or rather, they started out as such, but quickly morphed into dreams of that one single light in her eyes. It was pulling me in closer and closer. It was so warm and lovely. Until the nightmare came back and the light in my lychik’s eyes was snuffed out by a dark cloud.
My mind is spinning, my heart tearing itself apart because every fiber of my being wants to go to her. It wants to stay close, to make sure no one else can hurt them.
What is it about her that I can’t let go off? Is it that light? Is it the storm we’re caught in together?
