The tips of my fingers slowly run over my mouth and stubble on my face as I watch the tiny, dilapidated house from the distance. Someone’s boarded up the broken window from earlier and from the distance the house almost looks peaceful with glistening snow covering the roof. The trees around it swaying quietly in the dead of night. That thing she calls a car standing alone in the long driveway.
The lights went off forty-three minutes ago, and by all means I should have as well.
I’ve been saying that for hours now, ever since I was on my way home from practice and found myself halfway to this small town instead—yes, all the way from Boston—just mere hours after I came back from it.
I just wanted to make sure those lowlifes didn’t show up again. I needed to make sure they were safe.
I’m not here because I can’t get her mint-colored eyes out of my mind. Cool and crisp but with a long-lasting aftertaste.That hasn’t been a problem for five long years now since they simply live rent-free in my mind.
I’m not here because every heartstring in my body has been pulled tight by that small boy to a point where I’m no longer sure who’s in control.
Me…I’m always in control, before today. Now? I’m fucking rattled. My entire perfectly organized cage is rattled.
He survived. She survived. The heart inside her chest is still beating. It wasn’t supposed to be beating. She wasn’t supposed to survive. He wasn’t supposed to survive. Five years of letting go. Five years of carefully stuffing those days into a faraway box. And everything came right back at the sight of those eyes.
When I saw them holding her…when I saw Emett standing by their car, crying…they were touching her…
Fuck, my hand curls into a fist to stop the trembling that starts anew at the mere memories.
She’s fine. They’re safe.I watched them dance around the kitchen as older woman I recognized as Stella Gray was washing dishes and shaking her head at their antics. Aurora looked so carefree, so happy, no one in their right mind would suspect she was assaulted just hours before.
She fooled Stella. She fooled Emett. But not me.
I saw every raw emotion she was trying to keep hidden. I felt it pierce straight through me every time she closed her eyes when no one was looking and sent silent prayers.
A humorless chuckle leaves my lips. Do the demons inside her heart bristle every time she prays? They must, because I saw her clutching at her chest.
But I saw, and rage spiked inside me. I’m not sure if I was furious with her or at myself for caring. She means nothing. She’s poison…
But there’s something so different about her. A sadness in those green eyes that’s almost consumed her whole. Apart from one tiny ray of sunlight breaking through an endless night.
Lychik.
I came back to make sure they’re safe. I stayed because I’m not.
I take a deep breath, steadying the ramming heart inside my chest. It makes no sense why I care. How they’ve gotten under my skin so quickly. I’ve stopped feeling a long time ago. Feelings are poison. Feeling is excruciating. And I have no intention of renewing that particular expired subscription. Yet here I am, binge-watching all the seasons of my guilty pleasure that I’ve missed.
I glance at the clock again. They should be long asleep by now.
Quickly, before I can think better of it, I walk over to my trunk and load my arms with the few boxes I brought with me.
The snow crunching under my steps, but the dark night covers me as I make my way over to the front door.
When I asked the saleswoman for a Kevin the police bear, she looked at me as if I needed a bottle of high-end whiskey in a toy store. I’ve never bought toys for kids before. I had no idea what I was doing, but when I saw the sadness in Emett’s eyes when he spoke of the toy he lost. All I knew was that he needed Kevin the police bear, and I was going to find it.
It took three fucking stores and seven useless salespeople until a woman who was also shopping for toys directed me to theBuild-a-Bear store—who knew they had shit like that?—but I found what I needed.
I set the cartoon box with Kevin at the front of the door and will my legs to move. To leave.
You did everything you could, Severin. Say bye-bye and get the fuck out of here.
Yet I stay there, frozen at the spot, staring at the neat row of boxes along with Kevin.
Is it even the right bear? What if I got something wrong?
“Fuck my life,” I groan out to the dark overcast skies.
This is fucking stupid. I have a damn game tomorrow. I need to be in bed, resting before it. She told me she was capable of handling everything herself so why am I still here? Fueled by my frustration with my own self, I storm across the driveway back to my car.
