“Of course. Lincoln, I’ll see you later, alright?” Her and Lincoln exchanged hugs before she gave a final wave and walked off.
The door was shut, and I gave my attention to Lincoln. He was still holding my hand as if I was the next safest thing hecould cling to. I looked to Royce for the umpteenth time and all he could do was laugh. I delivered a pleading expression in return that said,help me nigga. Apparently, this new journey of mine was quite comical to him.
“Aight, aight. Lil’ man, have you eaten yet? I planned on taking my lil’ ones to Fry Factory for lunch. You want to roll?” Royce questioned.
“Yes. Can Heidi come as well?” he countered.
“She can come. She’s yo’ mother now, so I would hope she tagged along. Ain’t that right Heidi?” Royce could get on my last nerve, but he was also the one to smooth everything over in my life. I wouldn’t be able to handle half the shit in my life if it wasn’t for him.
“That’s right. How about we go and meet the other kids Lincoln, so you can make some friends. You cool with that?” I asked.
“Yes. Thank you, Heidi for being my mommy,” he voiced softly.
His hair was still covering his eyes, but his face was turned up toward me. Kids this young weren’t supposed to know what was happening around them, but he was well aware. I just wanted to get him to a place where he could enjoy being a kid. Six years old was way too young to feel unloved and unwanted. I felt for him dearly. With my doors open to him and the Atkins behind me, he’d never feel that way ever again.
“You’re so welcome baby boy.”
Another Sunday, another service. I’d welcomed Lincoln into my home and introduced him to my family, now it was time to introduce him to my church family. Pastor Bracken andFirst Lady were always showing me so much love and grace. I expected nothing less with Lincoln. After all, he was now an extension of me.
The sermon came to an end, the final prayer of benediction was given, and the congregation was finally able to disperse. Lincoln did exceptionally well with keeping quiet and sitting still. Although, he fell asleep before the sermon could even began.
It was third Sunday, and the church usually titled itCome as You AreSunday, so me and little man came in comfortable clothing. I stood with him on my shoulders still asleep and walked over to the pulpit to greet Pastor Bracken personally. When he looked at us, he offered the most genuine smile. That made me feel good. I couldn’t lie.
“Hi Pastor Bracken. How are you today?” I asked stepping in for a hug.
“I told Jackie I felt good about today. It’s so good to see you, Heidi. Who’s this little one on your shoulder?”
“Well, I wanted to talk to you and First Lady if you had some time to spare,” I answered.
“Of course we got time. You two got to my office and we’ll be in shortly. Let me make my rounds, grab Jackie, and we’ll be to you.”
“Thank you, pastor.”
Lincoln and I pushed through the crowd of people to his office. I felt the many stares on us all morning. If you ever wondered where you got the most judgment, it was undoubtingly from those that weresavedandsanctified. Where I had members that loved me, I also had members that talked about me every chance they got.
It was mainly because of my relationship with Royce. He was materialistic which trickled down to me. If he bought it for himself, he was buying it for me as well. I was as modest as theycame, but you couldn’t tell theseChristiansotherwise. All these folk saw was me rolling in a seven series BMW and labels from head to toe. In their mind, I was a gold digger and needed to be humbled sooner than later.
Finally making my way out the sanctuary, I walked down the small hall to the left and entered Pastor Bracken’s office. I took a seat on the sofa, so I could sit comfortably with Lincoln in my lap. Since I gave him permission to come to me whenever he felt uncomfortable or just needed company, he hadn’t left my side. I was able to get his hair twisted up as well. He was such an adorable and well-respected little boy.
Moments passed before the door opened with First Lady coming through with nothing but smiles. She was such a delightful person to be around. She always made me feel welcomed. I spoke to her about many obstacles I encountered, Michael being one of them. She was well aware of my struggles.
“David, you didn’t say Heidi was in here. What a wonderful surprise!” she squealed. I’d missed more than a few Sundays to get my mind together and this was the first she’d seen me in months.
She headed right to me with extended arms, and I smiled with tears on the brink of my lids. It was something about this woman that made me just want to cry and be that little girl receiving a mother’s love. With Mama Iris always holding the top spot, First Lady was second best.
“Hi, First Lady. How are you?” I asked standing to greet her.
“No, you sit. I see you have this little one with you.” I did like I was told, and we exchanged hugs on the sofa. Her attention went straight to Lincoln much like Pastor Bracken’s did. “Who do we have here?”
“This is Lincoln, my son. I adopted him from Nurturing Pathways,” I answered nervously.
“Adoption? That’s big Heidi, and he’s so handsome. David, come and take a look at him,” First Lady said calling him over.
“I saw him in the sanctuary. She said she needed to speak to us, and I’m guessing it’s about this little one. Are you nervous Heidi? Do you need prayer? What’s on your mind?” Pastor inquired. By this time, he’d made his way over to us and took a seat on the couch across from us.
I covered Lincoln’s visible ear before breaking down completely. Tears raced down my face as doubt flowed through my veins. I was at a wall unsure on what to do. Pastor Bracken immediately plucked a few Kleenexes off the coffee table and handed them over. I gladly took them and cleaned my face up before I vented.
“I… I think I made a mistake. I’m not emotionally prepared for this. I thought I was, but he needs someone that is filled with love and stability to care for him. I don’t have any off that,” I confessed.
