I hesitate, furrowing my brow so I can think. And then I start to shake as a memory rushes to the front of my mind. “Yes,” I whisper.
“Can you tell me about it?” Dr. Morgan asks gently, patting my thigh.
I close my eyes and recall the day. I lick my lips and tell the story I didn’t even consciously remember until now. “I was with my dad at the planetarium. I wandered away to see something and got caught up in a demonstration. When I turned around, my dad was nowhere to be found.”
“Oh, baby,” Daddy murmurs, wrapping an arm around me.
“What happened next, sweetie?” the doctor asks.
“I was crying, and an employee found me and called for my dad on the intercom. A few minutes later, he found me. I was so scared.”
Dr. Morgan smiles at me when I look up at him before I shift my gaze to Daddy.
Dr. Morgan speaks. “I think what happened is as you slid into a regressed state, it triggered the incident from your childhood. I bet you were pretty young.”
I nod. “Four I think.”
The doctor turns to Daddy. “I’m not surprised. I’ve heard similar things from Littles. Memories buried from their childhood that get triggered when they regress. She sees you as the authority figure who should keep her safe, so she starts to panic when she gets in a situation where you might not be able to.”
Daddy hugs me closer. “I would never let anything happen to you, baby girl.” He kisses the top of my head.
“The best thing to do is keep doing what you are now. Use the harness every time it’s possible. Strollers are good too, but don’t wander away from the stroller if she’s in it. Stay in her line of sight at all times. Hold the leash closer when she’s harnessed. Gradually give her more distance as time goes by. It will take a while. Could be a long time, but she’ll slowly learn you’re not going to lose her.”
I start trembling, clasping Daddy’s hand tighter. “I don’t want him to walk away from me. I panic when he does.”
Dr. Morgan smiles at me. “I know, sweetie.” He shrugs. “She may never fully let go of the fear. That’s okay too. Take your cues from her. As long as she doesn’t have a panic attack when you’re in her sight, she’ll be fine. A certain amount of separation anxiety is healthy. It means she won’t stray from you and make you worry. I’ll be more concerned if she starts panicking simply because it’s time to leave the house. That’s another problem altogether. We don’t want it to escalate into agoraphobia.”
Daddy nods. “That hasn’t happened. She doesn’t mind going out. She just gets nervous when she thinks I won’t be able to see her.”
The doctor nods. “You should be fine then. I wouldn’t worry too much. Call me if it gets worse. Otherwise, keep her on a short leash.” He winks. “Literally.”
Daddy pulls my shirt back over my head and gives my braids a tug before saying. “Ready to go home, baby girl?”
I nod. I was ready long before these last two topics were discussed. I want to go home and curl up in a ball and think about everything Dr. Morgan said. Not the part about having my bottom plugged, but the part about what happened in my past.
As Daddy drives the golf cart back to the house, I worry he will insist I immediately get to work. It’s a Monday morning after all. But my mind is on other things. I don’t think I could concentrate on my research right now.
When we arrive, he directs me into the house and sits on the couch, reaching for me. “Come here, Little one.”
I’m so relieved I run to him and climb onto his lap.
He holds me close, rocking me gently for several minutes before pulling back and meeting my gaze. “You must be mentally exhausted after that. I feel like you had a huge breakthrough.Did you not remember about getting lost from your dad before today?”
I shake my head. “I don’t think I remembered it. Or I didn’t make the connection. Or I stuffed it into the back of my brain. I don’t know.”
“Well, it explains a lot. When you started regression, your mind went to that age and took on those feelings. I can’t imagine how scared you must have been when you couldn’t find me. I’m so sorry, baby girl.”
I swallow back tears.
He cups my face, making sure I’m looking at him. “I promise I will never let that happen to you again. When we’re on this island, and you’re in a regressed state of mind, I will ensure I always have you in my line of sight. If you’re in your stroller, I’ll keep you buckled and not let go of the stroller for a moment. Anytime it’s possible, we’ll use the harness. When we’re somewhere you need to wander away, like the water park, I won’t take my eyes off you.”
A rush of anxiety claims me at his mention that we would ever not be on Regression Island. Obviously, we have to return to the mainland at the end of the summer, but I’m not looking forward to it. I don’t even want to think about it. In two weeks, I have changed drastically. I had no idea this lifestyle would suit me, but it does. And I’m not sure I want to go back. Staying here instead of getting a job teaching somewhere in the fall isn’t an option of course, but I won’t think about it today.
I shake those thoughts away and nod. “Okay, Daddy.” I know he won’t let anything happen to me. I also know nothing would happen even if he did lose track of me. I’m not four really. I can defend myself and find someone to help me.
“You know Daddy’s cell phone number too, baby girl. If you ever for any reason get lost, find an adult and have them call me, okay?”
“Yes, Sir.” He’s right about that. I don’t have my own cell phone. Daddy didn’t bring it to the island at all. None of the Littles on the island have cell phones. But I can find another Mommy or Daddy and have them call.
