She listens, allowing me to wrap my hand around her waist and lift her gently. Even with me stabilizing her, I can tell she’s in pain. Sliding her into my arms, I carry her over to the bench and take a closer look at her foot. “It’s starting to swell. We should have a doctor look at it?—”
“I’m fine,” she groans, gritting her teeth as she forces herself to stand up.
“Zahra.” I struggle to hide the irritation in my voice. I understand her stubbornness better than anyone. A boss is never allowed to show weakness. “We need a doctor to take a look at you.”
She shakes her head. “It’s nothing I can’t handle.”
Except when she goes to take a step forward, she nearly stumbles onto the floor.
That’s it.
I throw her over my shoulder, ignoring all her protests to put her down. She even tries one of her fighting moves against me, in an attempt to get me to break, but with how spent she is, it barely impacts me. Instead, I readjust her so I’m carrying her bridal style and can easily look at her face. “Zahra, please. Do this for me,” I beg.
Whether it’s the shock from hearing me say please, or the injury she sustained, her eyes soften and she curls into my chest, giving me a small nod.
31
ZAHRA
I’d always convinced myself that I hated being fussed over, but I have to admit that having Declan as my temporary nurse has me rethinking my stance on the matter. Declan had called over Dr. Williams to our cabin, who immediately concluded that I have a grade 1 ankle sprain and should hopefully be fully healed in the next week or two. His assessment had convinced me I would get up on my feet in no time, but he may as well have told Declan I’d shattered every bone in my body the way he was acting.
He ordered me to rest on the couch, icing and wrapping up my ankle tightly in a bandaid and elevating it with a few pillows. When I insisted I needed to get up to clean Cody’s litter box, he sent me the dirtiest look, nearly barking at me to stay seated while he took care of everything. And Cody, the little traitor, has fully taken to Declan. My cat follows Declan around the house and occasionally meows for a treat, which Declan is more than happy to oblige.
The tabby cat took months to even allow me to pet him and I saved him from the streets. Meanwhile, Cody constantlypurrs up a storm whenever Declan sits down next to him on the couch, and he rubs himself against Declan all the time. The two are so obnoxiously adorable together, I swear it’s fucking with my head. Declan is hard to resist as a tough, broody mob boss, but as a softie who takes care of me and my cat—there’s no way I’d be able to keep things professional between us for long.
“Alright, it’s time for some ice.” Declan enters the living room with a large ice pack in hand and takes a seat next to me on the massive couch. His warmth immediately envelopes me and all I want to do is bury my head in the crook of his neck and fall asleep.
“I can do it myself,” I offer, extending my hand to take the ice from him.
Declan just shakes his head. “I know you can, but I like helping you. It makes me feel useful.” He lifts up the blanket that’s covering my swollen foot and gently undoes the bandage. Purple and blue bruises have started to form around my ankle, but they should hopefully start to fade soon. Declan places the ice pack directly on the injury, and the sudden sensation makes me hiss.
“Sorry.” He gives me a soft smile, one that makes my insides feel like they’re nothing but goop, and lifts the ice pack off my foot.
“It’s fine. Always stings at first but then it feels better.” I place my hand on top of his, guiding it back toward my ankle. Leaning my head against the backrest of the sofa, I groan. “I can’t believe I twisted my ankle.”
“Cyrus was coming at you quite aggressively.” Declan’s shoulders stiffen and I watch his jaw pinch.
“He’s just doing his job. He’s right that I need to be prepared for anything. Going easy on me in the rink doesn’t help me out in the long term,” I reassure him.
Declan bites his lip, contemplating what to say next. “It was hard just standing there. Being unable to help.”
With anyone else, I’d roll my eyes and scoff. I prided myself on being able to get by in life without relying on anyone else around me. My dad warned me at a young age that many would think of me as a spoiled mafia princess—a damsel in distress—and I vowed to him to be anything but that. Which I had succeeded in. Still, I know there are many men who view women as docile and weak, unable to fend for themselves or run a mafia. Declan isn’t like that though. He never doubted me, my strength, or my capabilities. His concern for my well-being and safety came from a place of caring, not dismissal.
“I appreciate that, but the only person who can fully protect myself is me. And even then, there’s no guarantees.” I sit up straight and place my hand on his shoulders. “I don’t want to come off as ungrateful for how concerned you are. Or for your work, helping me to get back on my feet. If I’m being honest, I can’t truly remember the last time someone made me feel so special, so cared for a lo?—”
I stop myself, knowing once I crossed that line, I’d never be able to take it back.
Declan raises an eyebrow, challenging me. “Don’t stop now. Finish that sentence, Zahra.”
“I can’t. YouknowI can’t. You know why.”
He releases an exacerbated sigh. “No, I don’t know why, so you better tell me why you keep denying yourself. Why you keep denying us. Denying the inevitable. Before I lose my mind.”
“Love makes us fragile. And we can’t afford to be fragile when we’re on the brink of a war and we don’t even know who we’re fighting.”
Declan shakes his head feverishly. “No. You don’t really believe that. I see you, Zahra. Really see you. I see how big yourheart is. How much you care for your friends, the members of your empire. Your parents. You’re telling me you didn’t love them?”
“Of course I did,” I bite, “but that just proves my point. When my mom died of a heart attack, I lost a part of myself. I was finally getting to feel normal again after nearly a decade of mourning her when I lost my dad. Now I’m back to feeling empty. I try to mask the pain. Mask the hole that’s left in my heart from their deaths but Ican’t. It’s still there, and I know it always will be. Which is why I can’t allow myself to love again. I can’t weaken myself any more than I already am.” My voice shakes, demonstrating my exhaustion.
