The writing retreat yesterday was a good start. She had come back to the hotel suite that evening with such excitement and light in her eyes. We’d spent our time at dinner discussing the chapters she had written, the advice she got from Margaret, and how she hoped to keep writing when we got back. I loved hearing her talk like that. About a future where she finally makes time for herself.
DING! The sound of the timer brings me back to the current moment. “Alright looks like it’s time to put our artistic skills to the test.”
We do a pretty solid job of carving out the pieces of the house, baking the cookies, and putting it together without it crumbling. Eliana and I take turns decorating the gingerbreadhouse with icing, covering the roof with a layer of white to resemble snow, and she’s kind enough to let me spoon the remaining icing into my mouth while she adds some multicolored gumdrops to the roof as a final touch.
“Perfect.” Eliana beams up at me.
“We should send this in as our audition for theGreat British Baking Show,” I tease, wrapping my arms around her waist and tucking her into my side, resting my chin on top of her head.
“Mmm not sure if making one dessert means we’re ready. Plus, we’re not British. Maybe we can aim for the American spin-off? After we practice some more?” She winks.
“Fine. Fine. I suppose learning some other recipes wouldn’t be the worst idea.” I pause before gently broaching the real reason we were in this kitchen. “So how do we feel finally taking a few days for yourself?”
Eliana shuts her eyes and lets out a deep breath. “Like I really,reallyneeded it.” Her eyebrows scrunch together like she’s fighting with herself over the admission.
“What’s going on in that head of yours?”
“Just how amazing this trip has been, and how I wish I could continue taking time for myself when we get back.”
“Wish? Why can’t you just do it?” I try my best to keep my tone curious and nonjudgmental.
“I’m just not sure if it makes sense with how my life is now. I’d love to have more time for myself, but I have to help my family. Not just for Josie’s sake, but also for my mom.”
“So you take care of everyone else except for yourself? That’s not fair to you Ellie.” I try not to let my frustration come out. Eliana’s heart was one of my favorite things about her, but her selflessness usually came at the price of her own happiness.
“It’s always been the three of us. And my mom works hard but it’s not enough on her own, so I have to step up.” She takesin my frustrated expression. “Don’t worry, one day I’ll be an established professor, with a salary to match, and will be able to better balance supporting my family and doing things for myself. We’ll plan an annual trip to the Bahamas during your off-season.”
I notice her deflection and instead of letting it slide, I call it out. “Can I be real with you for a second?”
“Oh boy. Why do I feel like I’m in trouble?” She lets out an uncomfortable laugh. “Go for it.”
“You always talk about how right now is a bad time for you to live your life, but is there ever going to be a good time? You’ve said it yourself, life always finds a way to throw you curve balls and it’s impossible to get rid of things that stress you out. Which means there’s never going to be a perfect moment when you can do things for yourself. No one is going to force you to take a break or tell you to take time for yourself. You have to be the one to set those boundaries for yourself and stick to them.” I can’t say I exactly enjoyed giving Eliana some tough love, but deep down, I know she needs to hear it.
She places her hands on the table in front of her, eyes cast down. She lets out a long, deep breath before nodding her head and looking up at me. “You’re right. I keep putting off things I want to do, hoping I’ll get to them someday but knowing that day may never come. I need to stop doing that…I will stop doing that. Or at least I’ll try really hard to.”
“You can do it. You can do anything you set your mind to. That much I’m sure of.” I wrap my arms around her waist and bring her into my arms, tucking her head under my chin.
She gives me a tight squeeze in response. “Who knows, maybe this time next year I’ll have my book finished, and we can celebrate by going to the Bahamas or something tropical. Pending that works with your game schedule.”
“Already prepping for my time in the NHL now are we?”
“Of course. I’m not the only one who’s working like crazy to pull off my dreams. I hope you know I see how much effort you put into hockey, and that I’ll always support you.”
I feel my heart swell at her words. “I know. Your heart, and how you have my back, are two of many things I love so much about you.”
Pressing my lips to her cheek, I relish in the heat and faint shade of red on her cheeks.
“You just really know how to make a girl feel special, don’t you?” She steps up on her toes to place a kiss on my lips.
“I try my best, but it’s not that hard given how incredible you are,” I whisper into her shoulder.
A shudder runs through her body, and I don’t miss her attempts at trying to hide the tears forming in her eyes. “You’re turning me into a ball of mush.”
“I always knew there was something under your tough exterior.”
“Even when you thought I was a drill sergeant?”
My lips turn to a smirk, remembering our first few encounters. “Even then.”
