“That it was a super impressive application and Kathrine Fisher will be dying to have me,” I whisper.
“So what are you waiting for? Go ahead and submit it.”
“My CV font is currently in Georgia. Should I change it to Times New Roman? Or maybe Calibri?” I frantically pull upthe document while also doing a quick google search for fonts that are accepted by the American Psychological Association.Calibri, Arial, Lucida Sans Unicode, Times New Roman, Georgia, or Computer Modern.Okay. We were fine. Everything’s fine.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so tense before. And that is saying something.” Violet gives me a sympathetic look.
“Sorry. Getting this internship would just be so perfect. It’s not every day that you get to work with one of the most renowned researchers in developmental neuroscience. And I’m thinking of applying to grad school next year, so my anxiety is just all over the place right now.” I take a deep breath, trying to slow my heartbeat down.
“One, as I’ve stated before, you’re an absolute shoo-in for this program. You’ve worked so hard the last three years, and they’d be more than lucky to have you. And two, you put a lot of pressure on yourself. I get it, I do. But I hope you realize how amazing you are and give yourself some grace.”
The tension in my shoulders relaxes a bit. “You’re right. You’re right. Okay, I’m going to submit it.” I hold my breath as I scan through the application portal one more time before pressing submit. “Welp, it’s done. All we can do now is cross our fingers and hope for the best.”
“It’ll all work out, trust me. Do you know when you’ll hear back?”
“The application portal closes tonight, and they said interview invites should go out about two weeks after that. Which means I should probably start doing prep for that just in case.”
I couldn’t help but overprepare for almost every major thing in my life. If there’s one thing I hate, it’s not having control over things, so naturally, anything I could control I tried my damndest, even if sometimes I went a bit overboard when planning out my life.
“Feel free to throw something in my calendar if you want to do a mock interview with me.”
“Has anyone ever told you how amazing you are?” I meant every single word.
Before I enrolled at Westchester, I had no idea what research even looked like or that I could have a career doing it. Being the first in my family to go to college, I felt like I was already behind compared to my classmates. So many of them already knew what they wanted to do or had already started working towards the career paths they were seeking while I was trying to figure out how to register for all the right classes and that my work-study checks were coming through. I met Violet in my freshman year of college after taking a class she was a teaching assistant for. On day one she announced she was looking for a research assistant to work in her lab. I applied without a second thought. Despite my lack of experience, she decided to take a chance on me. I don’t think I’d ever be able to thank her enough for it.
“Ditto. I really couldn’t imagine how behind I’d be on my dissertation if you weren’t helping me run MRI sessions. And not to mention how you stepped up to tutor one of my students. I don’t know how you’re juggling so much at once.”
“Eh aren’t we all juggling a hundred things at once? Just part of life.” I shrug.
“Life will definitely throw some curve balls at you when you least expect it. Which is why it’s important to take care of yourself as much as you can.”
“Absolutely. I agree 100%.”
“Do you, though?” Violet asks, looking skeptical.
The vibe in the room shifts and I get the sense there’s something she wants to say but isn’t quite sure how I’ll react. “Whatever’s on your mind, you can go ahead and say it. I promise I won’t take it personally.”
“I think you need to make more time for yourself. And not just time to do work or school-related things. Time where you can start a new hobby, write that murder mystery you’ve been trying to start for years now, or even just relax and take a breath.”
“I appreciate you looking out for me. And you’re right. I should be better about making time for myself.”.
“When is that going to be? I can promise you it won’t be in grad school. Or when you’re trying to secure a faculty position. And not when you’re first starting out as a professor.”
“Well I guess I’ll just sleep when I’m dead then.” I attempt to make a joke, but the unimpressed look on Violet’s face tells me it falls flat.
“I’m serious Ellie. I say this from my own experience when I say no one is ever going to force you to take a break. You have to be able to set those boundaries yourself and stick to them. Or else you’re going to burn out before you even make it to grad school.”
Even if I wanted to argue with Violet, I couldn’t. Not when I knew she was right. “I hear you. Honestly. I’ll work on saying no to things. And taking time for myself. I promise.”
“Hockey House is hosting a party this weekend. Tutors are invited.” Jake winks at me from across the table. It’s Thursday morning and just as he did two days ago, he showed up at 5:45 with a coffee and a smile. When I criticized his 15-minute early arrival, he explained to me that if he didn’t leave “Hockey House” (the house he shares with his 10 roommates, I learned) by 5:30, he’d get roped into extra morning workouts.
“I’m your emotional support friend, not your drinking buddy. Anddefinitelynot your tutor. “
Heraises an eyebrow. “I didn’t realize there were friend categories. And I think it could be good for you to let your hair down for once.”
Ouch. Between Violet and Jake calling me a workaholic, maybe I could use a weekend off. Didn’t mean I had to spend it getting drunk though. Weekends off were for relaxing, and beer pong and groping didn’t sound relaxing to me. “Pass.”
“C’mon Ellie. It could be fun.”
