That was entirely beside the point. I can’t tell if I’m irritated because of how predictable I am or because of he knows me so well even after all these years. Regardless, I want to wipe that smug look off his face no matter the expense.Goodbye my precious half-sweet chai latte, you will be missed.
“I was actually hoping to get a cold brew instead. With milk and sugar.”
The barista exchanges a look between the two of us, decides whatever is happening is of little interest to them, shrugs, and takes the card from Mason. I accept defeat and walk away toward the pick-up area. Mason follows.
“You know this could be considered stalking.”
“It's considered stalking to get a coffee at the cafe closest to my office?” He nods his head toward the hockey stadium.
My jaw finds residence on the floor. I was so thrown off by his drop-in a week ago that I hadn’t thought about why he showed up during my office hours, or even why he was here now. I look at him dubiously.
“You workherenow?”
“Well, no. I don’t work at the Beanery. New assistant coach for the men’s hockey team. Provisionally, we’ll see what happens at the end of the season.”
The sheepish look on his face catches me by surprise. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Mason look self-conscious about anything in his life, especially not something related to hockey. I think that was the aspect of him that had attracted me the most. As a pathological people pleaser, I’d spent most of my life trying to fit myself into whatever box would make the people around me happy, often at the expense of myself.
Mason was the complete opposite — the wildest hurricane paled in comparison to his confidence, strength, and unwavering ferocity. He never let anyone tell him how he should feel or act or be. In a way, his energy had been contagious. There were few moments when I had stood up for myself when I was younger, and those moments were almost always connected to Mason.
“Oh. Cool.” I cringed slightly at my inability to string more than a few words together in response. Trying to have a conversation with someone who used to be the most important person in your life, who I now know nothing about, is one of the most uncomfortable and out-of-body experiences. It’s like, “Heyyou’ve seen me naked. What are you doing for work these days?”
It seemed Mason was equally unsure of how to proceed now that we couldn’t pretend the other person didn’t exist.
“Since when do you drink cold brew instead of tea? I thought the extra caffeine gave you heart palpitations.”
“I had a rough night and it’s going to be a long day, so.” He didn’t need to know that the cold brew would be given to Maya, and I would sneak back to the Beanery afterward to right the wrong.
“Are you still getting nightmares?”
Gone was his usual happy-go-lucky expression, his eyebrows now scrunched together in concern. A few years ago, having Mason’s full attention was all I could have ever wished for. Now I wanted nothing more than to get as far away from him as possible before I found myself getting wrapped back into the storm that is Mason Hayes. I had already drowned in him once, and I had no intention of drowning in him again. And sharing vulnerable information was not going to do me any favors.
“They’ve stopped, for the most part.” I turn away from him and let out a visible sigh of relief when the barista places our drinks on the counter. I toss a quick wave over my shoulder as I exit the café. “Thanks for the coffee.”
Mason won’t take a hint. He trails behind me as I head to the psychology building.
“What are you doing?” I snap.
“Well, I just feel like we have so much to catch up on, don’t you?”
“I can’t say that we do. You can go now.”
“Wow. I’m crushed, and also not that easy to get rid of. “
“You know you’re not as charming as you think you are. You’re actually quite annoying. Like a pest. Or a cream-resistant rash.”
Harsh, but necessary. I swear I had used the same words backin high school when we got in a fight over him scaring one of my boyfriends away.
“Charming. I really missed your sense of humor.” He deadpans.
“Is there a point to this, Mason?”
“I mean if it wasn’t clear already — I miss you. And I’m a little upset about the fact that you said everything would be fine between us one day when you never meant it.”
His words freeze me in place, and suddenly, I find myself interested in the cracks on the sidewalk. Was that hurt in his voice? It couldn’t be. Not when he found it so easy to push me away. I knew at the time that asking him for more than his friendship meant I would never be able to go back to being his friend again. It would hurt too much knowing that I loved him and he couldn’t love me back. But he did, or at least he said as much, but not enough to want to be with me. I didn’t want someone’s half attempt at adoration, I wanted to be their everything. And Mason couldn’t give me that, so I was done giving pieces of myself to him.
“I have to head to class soon. Is there anything I canactuallyhelp you with, or are you just here to rehash the past? Don’t you have some…coaching to go do?”
“Ah yes speaking of, I was hoping to talk with you about one of my players, Jake. That’s why I dropped by your office hours last week,” he offers.
