“Greta and Vassago, they spoke with the apothecary. It was being diluted. Some of the herbs replaced with poison.”
I flinched. Ophelia had told me what she’d tasted. I’d believed her, of course, but hearing it again, especially from him was jarring.
“That …”
“It’s a partial explanation, at least. If it was damaging your heart, every time the bells rang your blood responding would make you feel weak.” Tap was somber, though I could feel the undercurrent of anger there as well. “Your wings are part of the cycle then, your fevers?”
I nodded slowly. “I can only assume so, yes. I haven’t used my wings since before that day in the garden.”
He rumbled a disapproving noise deep in his chest. “We need to find those herbs.”
“It may already be too late.” Even I could hear the defeat in my voice. “And Greta doesn’t even have a recipe.”
Tap leaned down to cup my face with his hands. “We’ll go tomorrow. We’ll find what you need, Phin.”
“And if we don’t?”
“We will,” he said again, more forcefully.
“You can’t know that. What if none of those places has the herbs, or?—”
“We will find one of them, or an alternative. Covenants be damned, I’ll go to Heaven myself and speak to the healers. My mate won’t be made to suffer any longer, I will not stand for it!” The growl in his voice had returned. His eyes flashed red and his chest heaved as he caught his breath. Tap pulled his hands away from my face, fisting them as he curled into himself, putting his body as far from me as he could without actually moving. His eyes were wide as they settled back to silver.
I stared back at him, the charged word hanging there on the air between us.
Chapter 30
Phin
“So, you really are my demon,” I whispered, repeating the words Ramsey had said to me, the truth of them landing in my gut like a punch. My chest ached, and I realized I’d been in varying stages of hope and denial for days, maybe weeks.
“Does that make you my angel then, Feather? Can you forgive me for what I did? What I might still do to Father Morton and perhaps that apothecary?" He seemed incredibly young and oddly insecure as he waited for my reaction.
“I told you before, I knew what I was doing that night. There’s nothing to forgive you for—I was the one who climbed onto your lap for saint’s sake. As for them… I don’t know. Do you truly want to break the bond?”
“No.” He shook his head.
“How long have you known?”
His eyes shifted away. “Always. From the very first day.”
I sucked in a breath. “What?” That truth smacked me across the face, more proof that if I’d been smarter, if he’d said something… the whole tense mess between us could have been avoided.
“I’ll accept if you’re angry with me, but there was no other way. I wanted you to have time and space to yourself before laying something so heavy on you. It had to be your discovery, your choice. It will always be, even now. You should have gotten a say about whether we sealed the bond or not. Instead, you get to choose whether we keep it. It isn’t quite the same choice, but it’s yours.” He swallowed, gathering up the inkpot and quill and setting them aside. “And… I was afraid.”
“Afraid?”
“Forever is a very long time, Phin, particularly for us. I don’t ever want you to regret your decision. Once the bond is sealed, there’s no going back. At least not without severe consequence. Much easier to avoid it than undo it.”
“Why would I regret anything?”
He put his glasses back on. “I can think of several reasons.”
“Such as?” I could see how uncomfortable he was, but I wanted to know why he was so timid about this.
“I’m a mess. Literally and figuratively. You’ve seen the workshops, the library. I forget half the things I’m supposed to be doing at any given time. I selfishly seek familiarity. I don’t like to go outside my routine and doing so usually results in me becoming more agitated and less organized. I live in a place with no sunlight or fresh air—and I very rarely leave. I have operated here alone for literal centuries.” He shrugged. “I know of the world, the way of things, but only because I have experienced small glimpses through the doorways. Seir is responsible for much of my knowledge, honestly, and my other brothers to a lesser extent.”
I swallowed, my heart thudding warmly behind my ribs. He was scared. And for once, I was not.
