Phin clenched. “Ophelia destroyed what I had left.”
“So you said, I’m sorry. But she was right, it was for the best. Are you taking the light-green elixir?”
“I will.”
“Every day, or at least as many as possible.” She raised an eyebrow and Phin nodded that she understood. “You’ve mentioned not feeling like yourself several times, what does that mean exactly? I want to be sure I get this right.”
Phin shifted next to me, picking at a thread on the shirt. “Before I moved to the crossroads, my freezing episodes were more frequent. Now they aren’t as often but they’re unpredictable. I was pretty numb when I lived at the church, if I’m honest. I thought at first when I got here that maybe I was just remembering how to feel again.” My heart squeezed for her, for all the years she’d been forced to exist as a shell of herself. “Now, everything is extremes. My emotions, my hunger, even my… temperature.” Phin’s eyes widened and Greta nodded gently.
“I’m moving as quickly as I can, I promise. But I think you need to prepare for the possibility that it’s already too late. You will likely start to heal from the side effects of the harmful parts of the old formula as well, which may cause new symptoms.”
My stomach rolled. “Too late? For what exactly? And what are we healing?”
Phin’s mouth tightened, but she didn’t address my questions.
“The apothecary had only guessed what herbs would work based on the sample from your original version of the tincture. I was thinking maybe we’d try shepherd’s plight? It’s difficult to find, perhaps more so even than bride’s bane, but wouldn’t come with some of the negative side effects. Given what Opheliatasted…” Her mouth tightened with frustration. “I want to find you the right recipe, Phin. We’re basically starting fresh.”
“The trio of angels visited not long before they could no longer produce it for you, didn’t they?” I asked, remembering Father Morton mentioning that during our first visit. Phin nodded. I made eye contact with Vassago, and he quirked an eyebrow. Perhaps the apothecary had been encouraged by the visit to stop making the thing that kept Phin safe. That was a mixed blessing, given that they were poisoning her to keep her hidden. I spun my ring, wondering if I could work in a little bit of time with my tattooing quill. It seemed the beginning and end of my stress came back to setting ink lately. “There are several places that might be suitable for Rylan’s poison garden I haven’t had a chance to explore yet. Either of those herbs might grow wild in those places. We can check? If it will help.” Anything to help. And I wasn’t even positive I knew what we were talking about, though if bride’s bane was involved, I could make a reasonable guess.
“Yes. Please,” Phin answered quickly.
“Of course. I’ll ask Seir if he can mind the hall so we can explore a few starting tomorrow morning.”
Greta nodded, expression grave. “Good luck. I’ll see if there’s anything else I can find in the meantime, and I’ve already asked Rylan to check with his sources to see if they have any leads. Starting the mix without either bride’s bane or a suitable replacement and an incomplete formula won’t do much good. There are other elixirs in my books, I’ve just not found one that meets all the requirements yet. But I’ll keep searching for you.”
“Thank you, Greta.”
“Best to you both. We’ll be in touch soon.” I severed the connection, which left Phin and I to stare at one another.
“I won’t pressure you for details you don’t want to share, Phin, but could you reassure me that you’re alright at least?” Mypulse was loud in my ears, my hands unsteady from the way my blood was surging. It wouldn’t have surprised me if my demonic features had started to show as out of control as I felt.
“I’m okay. I mean, I’m not sick. It’s a… fertility thing.”
I inhaled slowly through my nose. “I do most of my tattooing when I’m agitated, and I could use a little bit of focus right now.” I realized as I said the words she might think I was implying something more since that’s what had happened before. “Just tattooing, not?—”
She cracked a smile and silenced me with a finger to my lips. “I know. But could you do it in here instead? I wouldn’t mind watching, but I also don’t want to leave.” Even she seemed confused by that, but I was proud of her for asserting her desire.
“Of course. I’ll go get my things.”
I left her there, looking adrift in her sea of blankets and pillows, every part of my routine upside down.
She looked like every dream I’d never allowed myself to have. I hoped I’d get to keep her.
Chapter 29
Phin
While Tap was gone, I made use of his bathroom. He was always so tidy it seemed like I’d stumbled on a secret when I discovered his bathroom counter was rather cluttered with products. His shaving cup and brush needed a thorough cleaning and a new bar of soap. His razor blade was starting to rust. Several glass bottles in assorted shapes, sizes, and colors sat in an order only he understood, awaiting use. I pulled the cork from one and sniffed, discovering what had to be his aftershave. Clean towels hung in half-folded disarray on the bar while the used ones lay in a sad pile on the floor, and several items of clothing were also mixed in the mess.
It was nice to get a glimpse at his chaos beyond a dirty teacup left on the table next to his chair or a shirt forgotten in the laundry room—the flaws made him seem more real.
I climbed back onto the firm, oversize mattress. After arranging a spot for Tap to sit, I snuggled in with several pillows at my back and three cuddly blankets.
Shortly after I’d gotten comfortable, Tap returned with his quill, inkpots, and somehow, more snacks and a freshly brewed pot of tea.
“I didn’t know if you’d be tired yet, or…” He trailed off, stacking the new items on the tray alongside the old ones.
It was quiet between us as he got set up, the only light from a lamp he lit and set on the table next to him. He removed his spectacles and put them next to the light.
