Tap breathed my name again, the same prayer as before, just as he surged forward one final time. His whole body shuddered as his black, bat-like wings snapped out wide, his release barely a breath behind my own. He sagged, lips resting against my shoulder.
As I came back to myself, I realized that the discomfort in my chest had eased to something bearable. It had becomesomething I could almost ignore but was still inescapably aware of.
Tap’s eyes had settled back to silver when he finally opened them, and he ducked forward to plant soft kisses against my forehead, my cheeks, my eyelids. I mourned the loss of his wings when they tucked themselves away as quickly as they’d emerged. He gave similar treatment to the corners of my mouth, then gave me one final kiss before leaving me alone. A hot flush crept over my face as I fully realized what we’d done. Just as I started to spiral into anxious worry about where he’d gone, he returned with a warm washcloth.
“I can?—”
“Please.” He waited for my nod to lower the cloth between my legs, gently cleaning away the evidence of our mutual release.
He disappeared again, but when he returned, he lay next to me on the cushions. Even as the sweat from our exertions dried, my body was overheated, and I was glad for the lack of blankets or clothing.
I rolled onto my side and rested my ear against his chest. I quickly started to doze with his fingertips stroking softly down my arm and his heartbeat steady under my ear.
As I fell asleep, I turned the wordmateover and over in my thoughts, wondering whether I could trust myself and my responses to him. But wanting to. Desperately wanting to.
I’d never considered finding a mate, but if the Fates were offering, I wanted it to be him.
Chapter 24
Tap
The high-pitched hum of a gate activating drove me instantly from peacefully asleep to fully awake.
It took a moment for me to get my bearings, the room a different brightness and orientation than what I was used to. I looked over and found Phin asleep on the cushions next to me, and the memories of the previous evening crashed over me like a wave.
I focused on the bond, finding that my chest was sore, but the burning ache had gone.
“What have I done?” My voice was a ragged whisper as the reality of my impulsive actions settled in.
I tugged on my pants before rushing into the hall to find the source of the noise. Stalking up and down the rows, I followed the light hum until I located the right doorway. It was an old one, though not one of the decommissioned set I’d marked for investigation like I’d expected. A long-haired piglike creature ambled in and out of the portal several times, looking forlorn and lost. The third time it poked its head back into the hall, I was able to corral it fully away from the doorway.
“How did you manage to get in there?” I asked it. They had mind speech, but faint and very broken. It took several minutes,but I was able to discover where they belonged and send them back through the correct portal.
As the rush of the urgent lost creature situation wore off, reality weighed me down. Cursing myself, I returned to the room where Phin still lay curled in a ball sleeping, hesitating in the doorway. Guilt gnawed at me as I traced the lines and curves of her form with my eyes, remembering exactly how they felt under my lips and hands.
“Foolish demon.” I scooped her into my arms and carried her back to her room, surprised at the warmth of her skin despite the fact that she’d been uncovered since we fell asleep. She shifted and relaxed under the weight of her blanket, and I left her there, shame sinking further into my skin.
After tidying the room, I sat on one of the cushions with my head in my hands. I’d allowed myself to disappear into the silence that Phin’s presence gave me. Tattooing or piercing my flesh always provided a level of grounding and clarity, but this had been different. My mind had emptied completely with her warmth against me. I’d sunk to a place where I was allowed to just exist, just feel. The bond had been soothed, and my mind had been stilled. There had been nothing but her, and she was more important, more vital than the air I breathed. The peace of her touch was a shocking and blissful respite from the usual onslaught of tangled, overwhelming thoughts that never truly stopped.
I’d done something irreversible, drunk on the quiet she provided. The bond was almost certainly sealed, and she had no idea we were even mates. I’d done the very thing I’d never wanted to do. I’d stolen her choice. The ramifications would last literally forever, and she’d be well within her rights to hate me for it.
After going through my bathing and dressing routine I returned to the hall, all the thoughts and plans and sounds I’dbeen so relieved to unburden myself of, if only for a short time, piling back on.
There were six doors that needed to be inspected for unusual energy patterns—not including the one that the pig creature had come out of—nine that were closer every day to being decommissioned due to lack of use and three that needed secondary alternates created nearby because of how much use they were getting. Meals needed to be planned and prepared, and I was hopeful that Seir had remembered my request for more laundry washing powder.
My list of need-to-dos and things to watch grew longer as I paced. Top of the list was finding a way to turn back the clock so I could undo this mistake. I needed a way to unseal the bond I wanted more than anything I’d ever had in this life.
Just as the portal for the glade activated down the next row, I realized I perhaps it wasn’t impossible after all—I just needed a powerful mage. And I knew exactly where to find one of those.
“Good morning!” Seir sang, headed for the living area.
“Over here,” I called, and he spun on his heel. “Did you remember my soap?”
“I didn’t forget it, but I also don’t have it today. Hailon wanted to mix up a trial batch before I brought you some.”
“Hailon’s making it? What’s wrong with what you were getting at the market?” He followed me as I made my way back toward the living area.
“Grace is always showing her interesting new things. Soap and candles are the latest. Sometimes the new hobby lasts, sometimes it doesn’t.” He shrugged. “I’m not going to complain. One of them gets me pickles, another candied fruit. Candles and soap seem like nice additions.”
