I had no response to that because Tap had definitely offered those things from the very start.
Whatever the medicine had been, it had finally started to work, the pounding in my head lessening to a dull throb. “How long will you be gone this time?”
I don’t know.She settled her chin between her paws, watching me.Hopefully not long. I will return to you, Phin.
“I know.” I worked my way around the tray, a bite of this, then that, a sip of hot tea, then the apple cider. Finally, I broke off a bit of the toast and offered it to her. She accepted it happily, smacking her tongue long after the little taste was gone.
“Where did they go, Ramsey? Why didn’t they come back for me? Why did they leave me there?” My voice cracked. I stared at my beloved hound and she stared back, her chin coming to rest on my foot.
They couldn’t, mistress. Nothing else is possible. They wouldn’t have stayed away unless they were unable to get back to you. None of us would.
“I hope they’re okay.”
Ramsey didn’t answer.
It was childish, I knew. There was no reason a woman of my age should be so hung up on their parents doing what they thought was best to keep me safe. But I missed them terribly, and had more questions for them than I knew what to do with. Having gotten just a taste of life outside the church, meeting Tap’s family and friends, seeing Ramsey again after so long … it all reminded me just how little I’d actually lived for the last decade.
It was difficult not to compare my new life to how I’d lived at the church, especially now. I’d shrunk myself further and further under the guise of safety, not realizing that the bits of me getting chipped away shouldn’t have been a required sacrifice.
Perhaps it had been true, that distancing myself from others was necessary, but it had not all been in my best interest. Even with my parents, there had been some of that, especially during my visits to Heaven. I was less, simply by virtue of the fact that my mother was not also an angel. I was not allowed to study the same things, go into all the buildings.
More than anything, it was shocking and a little disappointing to discover that the first people to truly accept me exactly as I was and to care about my wants, needs, and safety were demons.
Tears slipped down my cheeks, the mess of emotions swirling around inside my body getting the better of me. I realized then that I hadn’t yet taken my tincture. Carefully, I moved the tray to the floor and got up to get it. Ramsey followed me, her ears perked and twisting as though she could hear several otherconversations happening where I only found the gentle hum of the crossroads.
I’m afraid it’s time for me to leave, mistress.
Already upset, I started sobbing in earnest. “Sorry,” I apologized, knowing that the only thing crying was going to get me was another headache. “I don’t know what’s the matter with me lately.”
You’ve been through much, even if it doesn’t seem that way. Do as your demon says and rest today. Perhaps tomorrow as well.
“He’s notmy demon,” I insisted weakly. “And I have far too much to do to just lay around. Though perhaps I’ll go get a book or a quill.”
That’s the spirit.
I sat on the floor and threw my arms around the hound, her head heavy on my shoulder. “I’ll miss you. Be careful.”
Always, mistress.When she looked at me from near the door, her eyes glowed red instead of the amber they usually were.Be well and stay safe.
“I will do my best.”
Do not be afraid of what you feel. You are not broken, Phin. And the Fates are never wrong.
“I…” I stared at Ramsey, thoughts muddled. “I don’t understand.”
You will.Her eyes flashed ruby, and a faint puff of black smoke trailed her as she went out my bedroom door.
I emergedfrom my room after waking from a nap I hadn’t intended to take.
After Ramsey left, I’d indulged in a long hot soak and then finished up all the leftovers on the tray of food. I’d lay back on the pillows to test how bad my headache might be, and the next thing I knew, I was groggily blinking back awake. The window was bright, so I hadn’t slept the day away, but it still felt like I was forgetting something because of how off my routine I was.
Carrying the tray and all my dirty dishes to the kitchen was my first task, washing up was the second. Once that was finished, I decided to put together something for dinner, since Tap usually cooked and I had what seemed like unlimited time.
Just as I was putting the dish into the oven, Tap came through the doorway.
“You’re up. Did you get some rest?”
“Yes, I fell back asleep.”
