“Is it alright if I touch you, Phin?” Hailon asked quietly, her hand hovering above my shoulder. Her kind expression left me nodding. “There’s a feather, just here, but I need to adjust your collar. This coat…” She quirked her mouth and focused, tugging on something at the back of my neck with one hand and holding my shoulder with the other.
A burst of warmth rushed across my skin where her hand rested, even through the heavy fabric. She caught my eye and smiled, keeping contact while presenting me with yet another breakthrough feather.
“There we are. So pretty. Matches your hair.”
I took it from her, copying Tap and threading it through the buttonhole on the outside breast pocket of my coat. “Thanks.”
“Sure.” Her brow furrowed. “I’m sorry if this is forward, but would you mind if I use my gift to see if there’s any healing you need? You won’t hurt my feelings if you say no,” she said calmly. “It’s just that I’ve never tried with anyone angelic before, I’m honestly really curious if it will work any differently, especially considering how we react to one another.”
I glanced over to find Merry casually fussing over her plants, not paying attention to us but likely still hearing everything.
“I don’t see what the harm could be.”
“I’ll be quick.”
My shoulder warmed a little more under her touch as her eyes closed and her head tilted to the side. Her face went through several emotions, but she remained silent.
“Her gift has gotten very well trained in the last little while.” Merry nodded, presenting me with a small bouquet of winter wildflowers she’d picked and tied together with a bit of string. “Some sunshine to take back with you.”
“Thank you.”
“Must be strange to live somewhere with no sunlight?”
“It isn’t as difficult as I thought it would be. Tap has set up the windows so they get brighter and darker like they would if we were elsewhere.”
“Really? That’s clever.”
“Did you ever notice the ceilings? Or that the walls sometimes don’t look solid?”
Merry nodded. “I couldn’t put my finger on it for the longest time because I was mostly in the one library and it has a ceiling. But coming and going from the hall with everything open does make the space seem really… boundless. It definitely takes some getting used to.”
I nodded, relieved that she understood what I meant. “Yes, that’s it exactly.”
Hailon made a small noise in her throat. “Sorry to interrupt. Phin, what does it feel like before you have an attack?”
I swallowed, unsure if my heart was suddenly pounding because I was nervous or because I was about to have another episode.
“It usually starts with my heart. Sometimes it beats so fast I can’t breathe, other times it’s like it’s stuck in my throat instead of my chest.” I lifted my hand, resting my palm against the beat. “Occasionally it’s like it’s stopped and has to restart. My fingertips go numb. I lose control of my muscles.”
“That sounds terrifying.” Hailon’s tone was full of sympathy but missing the pity I expected.
“It is.”
Merry came to stand at my side and wrapped both of her hands around the one of mine that held the bouquet.
“When I was stuck inside my own head, I couldn’t even make my eyes open when I wanted them to most of the time. Everything was too heavy. Is it like that? Like you’re underwater, and everything is impossible to lift or move?”
“Yes.” Tears sprang to my eyes against my will, the genuine nature of these kind women taking me by such surprise I didn’t know quite what to do with myself.
“Well,” Hailon exhaled and patted my shoulder before dropping her hand. “You’re quite healthy, Phin. But your heart does have a… flaw? Maybe damage. I can’t really tell which, organs are very complex. Not that it matters, but it’s perhaps part of the reason for what happens. And your throat and vocal cords are very irritated. I could maybe help with those things, but I don’t have to do anything today. And we can recommend other healers if you want another opinion.”
“Does the dust bother you too?” Merry’s face scrunched up. “I’m terribly allergic. It makes me sneeze, itch, and get terrible headaches. I suspect it’s more to do with the paper in the old contracts than the crossroads itself, but it’s definitely better when I work on the documents from here instead.”
Several thoughts all sprang up, demanding attention at the same time. Because I couldn’t sort them out, my words also got tangled when I tried to answer. I opened my mouth, but only some vague noises came out.
“Not allergic,” I managed.
I shook my head, then nodded, trying to convey that while I didn’t doubt Hailon’s abilities, I wasn’t sure I was ready to do anything drastic. Not to mention that I had a pretty good idea what had happened to cause the damage.
