“What’s wrong?” Theo whispers, his warm breath tickling my ear and snapping me out of the mini panic attack I’m secretly having in my head. I can’t stop my eyes from bouncing around the room, but the rest of me is very much frozen.
“They’re talking about us,” I reply, the words barely audible. “They’re going to think the baby is yours.”
“So,” he says, causing me to whip my gaze up to him, becausehe can’t be serious. He’s about to embark on a brand-new season with the Renegades—the last thing he needs is to be the subject of gossip. I go to argue, but he cuts me off before I can.
“Finley, I truly don’t give a fuck what anyone says. I understand if you don’t want to be linked to me, and Iapologize for putting you in a bad position if that’s the case. But if not, I’d really like to ignore the twenty people who are staring at us and check in so we can do what we came here for.”
Well, damn. Okay, then.
Unable to speak, I nod slowly in response. My stomach flutters again, but it’s different. It’s not the baby this time. It’shim. It’s the way he just eased my mind, letting me know that he’s exactly where he wants to be.
Minutes later, we’re being led to a private room, where I’m weighed, and my vitals are taken in a flash. I guess there are perks to having a famous friend, especially since the office seems to be short-staffed today. I feel kind of bad, but my mind quickly travels back to the last time I was here. I waited forty-five minutes all by myself before someone was able to see me. This is definitely better.
The nurse tells us someone will be right in, so I hop up onto the exam table while Theo sits in a chair, leaning back so his head is resting against the wall behind him. I recline, and the thin paper under me crinkles with the movement. Mere seconds later, the ultrasound tech knocks softly, then enters the room. She can’t be more than twenty-two or twenty-three, which is a sobering reminder of the fact that I should have more direction in my life. I’m twenty-five years old, about to have a baby, and the only job experience I have is a string of serving positions that began in a diner when I was fourteen and ended abruptly just over two weeks ago.
“How are we doing today, folks?” she asks, her gaze moving between the two of us.
“Pretty good,” I reply, trying not to let my shortcomings put a damper on the day. If I only get to do this once every four weeks, I want to enjoy it.
“Great,” she says, dimming the lights before taking a seat at the computer. Her nails tapping against the keyboard is the only sound in the room as she types, until she turns her chair and lifts my shirt above my stomach. “I’m just going to take some measurements, then I’ll let you see your baby.”
I nod, giving her a tight smile as she grabs a bottle and squeezes a generous amount of clear gel under my belly button. I hiss involuntarily when the temperature registers, causing Theo to shoot up in his seat. It draws my attention, and I look over to find his eyes wide as saucers, a blanket of worry masking his expression. My features soften, not wanting him to panic. “I’m okay,” I reassure him. “It’s just cold.”
His posture relaxes at my words, and the tech begins the ultrasound, gliding the wand across my lower abdomen for several seconds before a rapidwhooshfills the air around us.
Lub-dub. Lub-dub. Lub-dub.
Theo sits up again, this time in excitement as a boyish grin splits his face. His blue eyes sparkle, and even in the low light of the room, I can tell he’s tearing up. My heart squeezes in my chest, emotion crawling up my throat until I feel like I’m choking on it. I couldn’t pull my gaze away from his reaction if Iwanted to, cataloging every bit of it as the tech types away on the computer.
“Heart rate is one-forty, and baby is measuring right around nineteen weeks,” she says cheerfully, pulling my attention her way as she twists the monitor so it’s facing us. She glances in Theo’s direction. “Dad, you can come closer if you want.”
Like a balloon, the happy moment deflates. Unease washes over me, and I shake my head. “He’s not?—”
Before I can finish the sentence, he’s on his feet, erasing the space between us and stepping up to the exam table. He looks down at me with the softest, sweetest smile on his face, as though he’s trying to convey without words what this means to him. The rest of the denial that sits on the tip of my tongue disappears, gratitude flowing through me at the fact that there’s no pressure to correct her.
The last time I came, they asked if I wanted to wait for my partner, earning several looks of pity when I said I was on my own. Then, they printed off the strip of ultrasound pictures so I could, and I quote,share with those who couldn’t be here.
It’s not that the baby’s dadcouldn’tbe there…it’s that hedidn’t want to be. And that fucking sucked—at least until now. Having Theo by my side somehow makes the situation hurt a little bit less. So, I decide to keep quiet, focusing on the screen as she points to the center.
“Here’s baby,” she says. “As you can see, their little heart is pumping nice and strong. And it looks likethere’s a lot of activity going on in there. Have you been able to feel the movement?”
“Yes,” I answer, nodding my head. “I thought I felt it for the first time about a week ago, but I wasn’t sure until right before we came in here today.”
She laughs quietly, looking at the screen. “Well, that makes sense, since there’s a little dance party going on in your uterus right now.” Squinting at the screen, she moves the wand again. “Are we finding out the baby’s sex? Some people want to know right away, some like it written on a card and sealed, or we can keep it a secret, if you’d prefer. Either way, I can see everything very clearly.”
I look at Theo, suddenly not sure what to do. It’s not like I’ve had to consider any of this. Up until a few weeks ago, I was hell-bent on not sharing what was going on in my life with anyone else, especially not in this capacity. I had come to grips with the idea of experiencing these appointments by myself, since Eric has refused to answer my messages. But that isn’t the case today, and for some reason, I want his input.
“It’s up to you, Mama. If you want to do a big reveal, I’ll throw you a party. If you don’t want to know at all, or if you’d rather just find out in private, I’m right here.”
He reaches up, taking my hand. I haven’t touched him at all since the day I moved into his house, when I mindlessly slid my palm into his. I can’t even tell you what possessed me to do it, but it felt so good that I just couldn’t let go. It’s even better now as warmth travels up my arm, swirls in my chest, then slowly flowsthroughout my body. The baby kicks again, and I know without a doubt what I want.
“Let’s find out now,” I say to the tech, never taking my eyes off of him. “Just us.” Theo smiles softly, his free hand coming up to brush a rogue strand of hair from my cheek. It’s a small gesture—one that would probably be insignificant to most people—but in this moment, it speaks volumes.
“Okay, then,” she replies, positioning the wand so we all have a clear view. We wait with bated breath, because while IthinkI can tell, I’m certainly no expert. “It’s a girl.”
“Fuck, yeah!” Theo shouts, his arms shooting over his head like he just won the Super Bowl. My eyes fill with tears, both hands going up to cover my mouth. I shake with a mixture of sobs and laughter, everything becoming so real now that I officially know. I’m going to have a daughter, and I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure she knows just how special she is. She’ll never have to fight to be seen or heard, and she’ll always be taken care of.
Theo leans down, tenderly pressing his lips to my forehead. I should take pause. I should pull back because I can already feel myself growing emotionally attached. In my defense, it’s kind of hard not to when he’s offering a level of support I’ve never experienced in my life. But I don’t stand a chance at putting space between us when he lingers, whispering the sweetest things about how amazing I am.
