Me:You’re disgusting. And my wrists are sore, thanks a lot.
Turbo (Tayler):Aah, so you like it rough. Knew it. ??
Turbo (Tayler):?????? Becker,Fifty Shades of Lakewood. You’re my hero.
Me:I hate all of you.
Blaze (Liam):You love us. And you love handcuffs. Good night, Houdini. ??
Confessionals
(Recorded between 5:30 and 6:30 p.m., post-uncuffing)
Video Archive – Love Goals – Elm Hollow Mountain – Week 2
??TIFFANY & BRENT
Tiffany sits with her arms crossed, already dressed in street clothes, a designer handbag on her lap.
TIFFANY(nose wrinkled):
“I want it on record: we did not withdraw because we’re weak. We withdrew for hygienic and sanitary reasons.”
(She scoffs.)
“And sleeping handcuffed to a man who snores like a tractor is not romantic. It’s medieval torture.”
BRENT(without looking up):
“I don’t snore. I breathe with authority.”
??CHAD & KIKI
Kiki checks the step counter on her smartwatch in horror. Chad angrily eats a protein bar like a man who hasn’t seen chicken in two days.
KIKI:
“It completely destroyed my biorhythm. I couldn’t do my sunrise yoga routine because Chad—”
CHAD(cutting her off):
“Because I was doing one-arm push-ups! I had to compensate for the inactivity!”
KIKI(to camera):
“Follow me for my tutorial on how to bounce back from zero sleep without under-eye bags. Discount code KIKI20.”
??BRENDA & STEVE
They sit as far apart as the bench allows. Brenda’s hair is pulled into a bun so tight it looks painful.
BRENDA:
“Efficiency. We focused on efficiency. Bathroom breaks were timed. Three minutes and forty-five seconds each.”
STEVE(murmuring, staring into the void):
“She wouldn’t let me read theElm Hollow Gazette. Said turning pages with one hand was ‘a waste of valuable time.’”
