Cohen chuckles into my neck.
The ranking climbs quickly.
Bernie and Esther are seventh with 160 points—steady, adorable, unproblematic.
Then comes the danger zone.
Joe straightens, confidence radiating off him. He expects to be near the top. Of course he does. He’s “perfect.”
Tina draws out the next name, milking the suspense.
“In sixth place… dropping off the podium with a spectacular thud… JOE & SARAH.”
I feel Cohen’s whole body vibrate behind me.
Joe goes pale. “What?” he blurts, breaking ceremony etiquette.
“One hundred seventy-five points,” Tina announces mercilessly. “Your furniture was crooked and held together with tape. Your dinner was a tension bomb. And your tree… well, let’s call it ‘uninspired.’ You collapsed, kids.”
Sarah covers her face in humiliation. Joe stares into nothing, jaw flexing hard enough to crack.
When his eyes lock on mine, I see pure fury. The fury of someone who’s used to winning—or manipulating his way into winning—and is suddenly plummeting.
I don’t look away.
I hold his gaze.
Look at me, Joe.
Watch me win and tell me again who the weak one is.
“In fourth place,” Tina continues, unfazed by Joe’s meltdown, “our favorite saboteurs—BRENDA & STEVE with 190 points! You won Tree Day, but that kitchen sabotage knocked you off the podium. Karma is real, Brenda, and she’s blonde and hosts a reality show.”
The podium.
Three couples remain.
Us.
Lucy and Lars.
Silas and Daisy.
“Bronze medal for the most spectacular comeback—SILAS & DAISY with 210 points! Daisy, you carried the kitchen challenge!”
Silas raises an arm in victory, exhausted but glowing.
Now it’s just us and the world’s sweetest couple.
Cohen tightens his hold. “This is it.”
“In second place…” Tina beams at Lucy. “With 355 points—the embodiment of consistency—Lucy & LARS.”
Lars turns beet red beneath his beard. It’s an insanely high score.
“And in FIRST place…”
Tina turns toward us.
