Couple 9: THE CAPTAINS (Us)
Entrance Music:“Crazy in Love”by Beyoncé
The bass line blasts through the speakers, shaking the snow right off the ground.
A spotlight slams into our faces—blinding.
I turn to Sloane.
This is it.
I look out at our competitors: strategic old-timers, orange fitness influencers, toxic exes, giant lovers, sweater-wearing psychopaths, the spoiled nemesis, the sexy veterinarian with his glitter-covered assistant, and one asshole I still need to figure out before I break his face.
“Great,” I murmur to Sloane, adrenaline rising, that protective instinct kicking in the second she’s near. “This is gonna be a massacre.”
Her blue eyes sparkle with competitive fire—that look that drives me crazy. She straightens her red scarf like a diva about to take the stage.
“It’s going to be fun, Becker.”
We step into the center of the stage.
Nino beams at us… then steps back, smile turning wicked.
“Citizens!” he booms. “To manage a reality show of this magnitude… we need an iron fist in a velvet (and sequined) glove!”
He throws his arms up.
“Forget me as your host! For the next several weeks, the law on Elm Hollow Mountain will be handed down by one woman. Please welcome your Supreme Hostess…”
The lights cut out.
A spotlight hits a platform rising from beneath the stage, surrounded by clouds of (pink, obviously) theatrical smoke.
And there she is.
The true Queen of Terror and Entertainment in Elm Hollow.
Aunt Tina.
She’s wearing a floor-length gold sequin gown that could blind a man, a rhinestone-encrusted microphone, and a professional headset like she’s about to host the Grammys.
“Thank you, Nino, darling! Thank you, Elm Hollow, and hello to all my TikTok fans!” Tina trills, her voice booming through the valley.
The crowd erupts.
Sloane goes pale beside me. “Oh no. No, no, no.”
“What?” I ask, amused by her horror.
“Aunt Tina… she’s the official host. I knew it was coming, sure—she hosts every major town event. But this means the challenges won’t just be embarrassing… they’ll be fatal.She knows everything about everyone, Cohen. Everything.”
Tina points a jeweled finger straight at us, smiling like a shark that smelled blood.
“Welcome to Love Goals! Where love is war and I am your General! Everyone, onto the buses, my darlings! We’re heading to Elm Hollow Mountain! That’s where you’ll find your home for the next few weeks… and where tonight—yes, tonight—you’ll face your very first challenge!”
She pauses dramatically, locking eyes with me and Sloane.
“And for our Captains… I hope you brought comfy underwear. Or at least something easy to take off. It’s freezing up there, but I fully intend to heat things up!”
