But now…
I close my eyes.
And for the first time, my final thought before sleep is that I’m lying here with someone on my chest.
With her.
It terrifies me.
But it doesn’t suffocate me.
It quiets me.
She whispers “I can’t” in her sleep.
I think “I can’t live without this” while awake.
And the world finally goes still.
35
Hot Showers & Terrible Decisions
Sloane
The first five seconds after I wake up are… nothing.
Dark behind my eyelids. A tiny voice whispering,bed, warm, soft, don’t move.
Then the world snaps into focus.
First thought when I open my eyes:
Where am I?
Second, much worse thought:
Why does everything smell like aftershave?
I push myself up slowly, my head pounding like I spent the night at some illegal rave.
Then I see the bed.
Not mine.
Dark sheets.
Huge pillows.
Wool blanket.
And—most important detail—rumpled, like someone definitely slept right next to me.
My whole body locks. My heart takes a running start into a full-blown panic marathon.
No.
No no no no NO.
