“I have it under control,” I say and the words feel weirdly hollow even as they come out of my mouth.
I don’t actually have anything under control. I don’t know what we are or what last night means. I don’t know if the date we had was anything more than just…an experiment. I don’t fucking know anything.
He shakes his head and I can see the disappointment. “I just don’t want to see you get hurt.”
The way he says it makes something twist in my chest. I open my mouth to say something, but it comes out quieter than I expected. “It’s nothing serious.”
And immediately I know it’s a lie. The way Griffin touches me, the way we fit together in ways I didn’t expect doesn’t feel like casual. But I choke a little on the honesty of it, because what if it’s something he doesn’t want to admit to himself yet?
“You’re risking your reputation for a hookup,” he says with a dramatic sigh.
I jerk back like he slapped me, even though he didn’t raise his voice. “I… it doesn’t mean anything,” I protest, the words tasting like guilt and panic.
“Then it’s not fucking worth the risk,” he grits out, and the edge on his voice makes me want to argue or explain.
Itfeelsworth it. Griffin is worth feeling something terrifying and big and complicated for. But I can’t say that. Not here, not in these early morning light with Hughie standing there like the disappointed dad version of himself. I can’t say that without having a conversation with Griffin to know if he thinks that I am worth it.
So I just mutter, quieter this time, “No one is going to find out.”
I can feel my face flush with a mix of shame and stubbornness.
He stares at me so hard that I start to squirm. Then, like it’s the most matter of fact instruction in the universe, he says, “Then you better cover up your hickies so no one asks any questions.”
My face fucking flames with heat as I fight the urge to reach up and touch my tender neck. The marks that Griffin left behind are red and throbbing and such a hot reminder of last night but right now all I feel is…uncomfortable. A weird mixture of shame and guilt because Hughie is disappointed in me and he’s still protecting me in the only way he knows how.
And with that, he turns, grabs his own coffee, and walks out of the kitchen like it’s just another morning.
But the door closing behind him makes the whole apartment feel cold, and I’m left there with the bitter taste of coffee on my tongue and the awful realization that navigating this is going to hurt.
26
Griffin
Jacob: Would you rather play an entire game butt naked or see Coach getting off with a cheerleader?
I snort sohard that it echoes in my quiet room. The text lights up my phone screen, and before I can even stop myself, I’m grinning like a goddamn idiot.
We’ve been playing this stupid “Would You Rather” game for a few days now. It started after that night at the apartment. Since then, everything between us has felt easier. More natural. Like we finally stopped pretending we didn’t want this.
I think we were both a little unsure at first. A little stuck in our own heads. But being around him is just... good. It feels solid. Comfortable. Like home.
And that’s the weird part. It’s not even about labels. Gay, bi, whatever the fuck else, I haven’t figured that out, and I’m not in a rush to. I just know I wanthim.
Griffin: Definitely skate naked. God, so gross. I do not want to see his saggy balls.
Jacob: GAG. Thanks for the visual.
Griffin: It was your Would You Rather!!
I laugh again, low in my throat, and lean back against my bed, one arm behind my head. My phone buzzes almost immediately.
Jacob: Whatever.
Jacob: What are you doing?
Griffin: Laying in bed relaxing.
The bubbles pop up and disappear before they come back. I wait, smirking already.
