We fall into an easy silence, the soft drumming of rain against the Bronco filling the space between us. The tension in my stomach hasn’t completely gone away, though, and the question forming in my head might be the reason why.
“Cull? Can I ask you something?”
“Of course.”
He pulls our joined hands into his lap and starts to idly play with my fingers. I keep my gaze fixed on the open window, too afraid to see his reaction.
“Have you had any second thoughts since we got together?”
“What? No. Why would you think that?” I can feel the weight of his gaze, but I still can’t bring myself to look.
“I’m scared you’ll decide this was a mistake. I’m just struggling to understand how you became so confident in being bi so fast.”
He doesn’t answer right away, which makes my chest tighten, but then I realize he’s thinking. Really thinking.
“Look at me, Hud.”
I swivel my head, locking eyes with the one person who has the power to completely wreck me. He brings his hands up on my neck, thumbs rubbing my jawline.
“When I first started realizing I was attracted to guys as much as girls, I was really conflicted.” His eyes are focused on mine, almost like he’s asking me to see the words in his soul. “It felt easier to shove those thoughts down, to ignore the urges, than to admit what I was. What that meant. I had some grisly, dark thoughts about myself, and I’d mentally beat myself up for every physical reaction I had to another guy.”
His voice is low and soft, sadness flickering across his features. “When I told Hadley about those feelings, just trying to be open, I didn’t realize I was handing her the power to reframe how I saw myself. She twisted it into something ugly, but I don’t blame her completely. I was too naïve to know better, but it shaped me in ways I didn’t see at the time.
“So to answer your question, my sexuality didn’t just appear. It’s always been there, even when I buried it so deep I couldn’t feel it.” He shifts a little, eyes not leaving mine. “When things with Hadley started to fall apart, it was like something in my mind broke free. That wall I built cracked, and suddenly, I could see clearly. And what I saw was you.”
My breath catches, but he keeps going.
“You became the one person my heart wanted more than anything. The second I found out you weren’t actually dating Ella, or even straight, I couldn’t keep holding it in. Hud, when I kissed you, it was like every puzzle piece snapped into place. I was suddenly looking at a picture of us. Of what we could be.”
He leans in, pressing his forehead to mine.
“So no. I haven’t had any second thoughts. Not for a second. I’m confident because I know what I want. And what I want is you. Because I love you, Hud. I love you so damn much.”
Twenty-Five
Hudson
“I love you.”
The words replay on a loop in my head as I stare at Cullen, dumbfounded.
“You love me?”
“Yeah, Hud. I do.”
That dimple I love so much pops with his smile, and the urge to kiss it overwhelms me. I lean in, lips brushing over it. Cullen’s hands slide to the back of my neck, pulling me in deeper.
I get lost in the sensation. The only things I’m aware of are the rain pelting my windows and Cullen’s lips moving against mine. This is one of those moments I wish could stretch forever and never change.
But all good things never last long enough. Cullen pulls away, resting his forehead against mine. “I think some part of me has always been in love with you. I’m sorry it took me so long to realize it.”
I press another kiss to his lips, softer this time, before whispering my truth. “I’ve loved you since that day I pulled you out of the river.”
His eyes search mine, something shifting behind them. “We were thirteen…”
I nod. It’s been a torturous five years, especially when he started dating Hadley. I wasn’t going to ruin his happiness with my fantasies.
“I’m sorry,” he says, voice thick.
