“That’s a great idea. Whatever you want to do.” He gives me one of those smiles he usually reserves for charming the pants off old ladies, and I swear I’m about to melt into a pile of goo.
Gray joggers might have been a mistake. Not the most helpful when trying to hide a stiffy.
“You hang here. I’ll run up and grab our shoes. Do you need anything else while I’m up there?”
“My phone and my wallet. I think they’re both in my bedside table drawer.”
“Alright, I’ll be right back.”
I lean my head back against the couch while I wait for Cullen and close my eyes. Although I still feel tired and anxious, having him here has helped settle my racing thoughts, something neither my parents nor my medicine have been able to accomplish.
This is one of the worst episodes I've had in years, but the moment Cullen didn’t hesitate to climb in behind me and hold me, my brain shifted. I felt some of the heaviness leave my body, and my mind started to calm.
I wish I could keep him, but he won’t ever be mine. Not in the way that I truly want him, and I think I need to reconcile my mind to that fact once again.
Cull is only gone for a couple of minutes before I hear him jogging back down the stairs. I get up from the couch and meet him in the foyer, where he hands me my shoes and a pair of socks. My phone and wallet are stuffed into the left shoe.
“Thanks.” I sit on the bottom step and pull on my shoes. When I stand back up, I notice Cullen watching me like a hawk. “What?”
He doesn’t speak, just walks over and tugs me into a hug. I still for just a split second before I return the embrace. My fingers curl into the back of his shirt, never wanting to let go.
I don’t know what this hug is for, but I savor it and breathe him in, his familiar scent turning my lips up at the corners.
Evergreen trees and happiness.
It’s the first genuine smile I’ve had in days, and of course, it’s because of Cullen.
“What’s this for?” I whisper, voice trembling.
He holds me tight, speaking in a tone so soft it cracks my heart open. “I don’t know what I walked in on earlier, but I need you to know—I love you. I need you, Hud. And if things ever get this bad again, please call me. You are never a bother. You are never alone.”
My breath catches, the cracks healing themselves.
He loves me. He needs me.
Words I’ve longed to hear him say since I was thirteen. I know he means them in the platonic sense, but they still mean the world to me.
His shirt wrinkles in my grip. “I love you too. Thank you.”
The whispered words hang in the space around us. He pulls away and quickly wipes his face, turning his head like I can’t see the few tears that escaped his green eyes.
Cullen clears his throat and pastes on a big smile. “So, greasy diner food then what?”
I smile back and nod. “Yeah, the southern boy platter is calling my name. I can practically taste the maple sausage.” My stomach lets out another loud rumble, making Cullen chuckle. “Then we’ll see,” I add, heat blooming on my cheeks. “I don’t want to push myself too much.”
“Sounds good. Come on, let’s get you fed.”
And just like that, something in me starts to feel whole again.
Seventeen
Cullen
It’s been one hell of a week. Thankfully, Hudson came back to school yesterday. He’s not one hundred percent, but he’s miles better than what I walked in on Tuesday morning. Most people wouldn’t notice a difference, but now I know what to look for.
Seeing him struggle the way he did broke my heart, and the urge to take care of him has been all-consuming since I held him while he cried. My feelings for him hit hard and fast, and I’m trying not to dwell on the fact that he’s now dating Ella.
Hud didn’t even have one foot out of his car yesterday before she attached herself like Velcro. She’s taken every opportunity to make sure people know they’re together now. The reaction has mostly been confusion from our friend group, while a few others are just glad “Hud is finally getting his dick wet.”
