“I could-couldn’t find the bottle I keep in my car.” It hurts to speak, my chest too tight from crying.
She sits down next to me on the bed and rubs my back. “Maybe the bottle rolled under the seat somehow. You can check later, when you’re feeling better.”
“Okay.”
“Keep trying to take deep breaths, Hud. Your breathing is still uneven. We don’t want you passing out.” My dad mimes a deep inhale, and I follow his lead. It’s getting easier to pull in air now, and my body takes it in greedily.
Mom brushes my hair off my forehead, then wipes my wet face with her thumb. “What triggered your attack?”
My body starts to shut down, slipping into preservation mode after all the heightened emotion. I may as well admit what happened. There’s no point keeping it a secret. Numbness settles over me, and my voice comes out flat when I answer my mom.
“I had a fight with Cullen. He’s upset I never told him about going out with Ella. We both said some… things, and I know I didn’t mean what I said, but he called me pathetic, so I know he meant it.” Another tear slips down my cheek, and my mom carefully wipes it away.
“You and I both know he doesn’t actually think that, love.”
Cull wouldn’t lie.Not like me.
Dad walks over to my dresser, grabs the smaller of my two pill bottles, and shakes out a single small blue pill. He comes back and hands it to me, along with the water bottle I keep on my nightstand. I give him a weak smile, then swallow the medicine.
“I’m sorry you two had a fight, bud, but I’m sure you’ll work it out and let bygones be bygones. You’re thicker than thieves. I know you’ll make amends.”
“I hope so,” I mumble. My pill hasn’t had time to kick in yet, but my body is crashing after the fight-or-flight I just went through.
“Honey, let’s let Hudson get some rest. He’s had it rough today, and I’m sure he’s eager for a fresh start tomorrow, yeah?” Dad directs that last part to me.
I nod just as a large yawn escapes me. Dad chuckles and reaches for Mom. She lets him pull her up, then leans down and presses a kiss to my forehead.
My eyes are already halfway closed when Mom says one more thing before they go. “When you feel better, I want to hear all about your date with Ella last night. Amy said you two made it official. I’m so glad you gave her a chance. I knew you’d be perfect for each other,” she gushes. “But for now, rest. I’ll check on you later this afternoon.”
My response is to pull my weighted comforter up and over my head to block out the world.
Shame surrounds me, heavier than the blanket I’m curled under.
How many more people am I going to let down? When this farce with Ella ends, my mom will be so disappointed.
I guess that’s all I’m good for these days, though.
Disappointing everyone.
Thirteen
Cullen
“Yo, it’s Hud. Leave a message and I—”
“What the hell, Hud?” Growling, I hang up and toss my phone onto the passenger seat. It’s Monday, and I’m sitting in my truck during lunch, trying to reach Hudson for what feels like the hundredth time.
He’s gone MIA.
I was so pissed on Friday after he bolted that I didn’t even try to contact him for the rest of the day. When Saturday rolled around, guilt settled in about what I’d said to him, so I tried texting, but the messages went unread. I figured he was just as pissed as I was, so I let it slide and tried to give him some space.
When I still hadn’t heard from him by Sunday afternoon, I started to worry that I’d really fucked things up. I tried calling him, but every call went straight to voicemail.
I’ve heard that stupid message so many times it’s burned into my brain.
He must feel more for Ella than I thought, and I upset him more than I meant to. When he told me he’d asked her to be his girlfriend, I snapped. It was pure jealousy that fueled my reaction, but I wasn’t lying when I said she’s going to lead him down a bad path.
It should surprise me that Ella takes pills for fun, but it doesn’t. I knew there was something going on under her bubbly exterior.
