When I first started having thoughts about other guys at sixteen, I panicked. Society likes to scream it’s wrong, so I told myself it was wrong. Disgusting. That I shouldn’t want other men like that, and when Hadley told me to stop “acting gay,” I locked it all down and never looked back.
I’ve grown a lot in the last couple of years, matured. Maybe part of me had already accepted it, quietly, withoutpermission. And now that it’s out in the open, I feel at peace with it. Confident even.
I just stepped into who I’m meant to be.
I walk into the shower, the lightness from a moment ago already slipping fast as Hadley crashes into my thoughts.
Shit. I just had one of the best orgasms of my life fantasizing about fucking her twin brother. Herstraight, twin brother. Everything that was clear a moment ago is already knotting itself up again.
I let the hot water pour over my back, hoping it’ll ease the tension building in my shoulders. My mind is all over the place, and I can’t deny that I feel something deeper for Hudson.
But I can’t tell him. What’s the point in admitting anything? It could potentially fuck up our friendship, and it wouldn’t be fair to Hadley. Things with her are already complicated enough.
Defeat settles in my stomach like concrete, cold and immovable. I don’t know how I’m supposed to wade through this and come out clean on the other side. All I know is there’s this pull toward Hudson, undeniable and constant, and I can’t follow it. Can’t touch it. And that’s a weight I don’t know how to carry.
I finish my shower and get dressed, but the tightness in my chest remains. I grab my phone and try calling Hudson again, just needing to hear his voice.
It rings twice before going to voicemail. At least his phone’s on, but him not answering adds to the weight on my chest. As I head down to the kitchen, I decide that I need to drive over to check on him.
My parents are sitting at the breakfast table, Mom with a book and Dad with his tablet, making quiet conversation between sips of coffee.
Mom notices me first. She smiles when I shuffle in, but it fades just a little, like she can sense something’s different. Shescoots over on the bench, patting the spot beside her. I walk over and sit next to her.
Dad looks up at me from his tablet, a worry line creasing his forehead.Great. My thoughts must be all over my face, because both of them are already looking at me like they’re bracing for impact. I take a deep breath and collect my thoughts.
My parents are the best humans I know, and I’m not afraid they’ll be angry or judgmental. But disappointment? That’s the one thing I don’t think I could handle. That would hurt more than anything else.
I don’t see the point in hiding from them. I don’twantto. They've always made open communication a priority in our family. I’ve never been scared to tell them anything because of that, and right now, I couldn’t be more grateful for it.
“Cullen, darling.” Mom reaches over to take my hand, her easy smile returning. “Whatever’s going on, you know your dad and I are here for you.”
I nod and let out a slow breath, squeezing her hand a little tighter. “So, uh… I don’t know where to start.”
“The beginning is usually a good place,” Dad encourages with a smile.
“Right.” I pause, rubbing my palms on my thighs before forcing the words out. “When I was sixteen, I started noticing… guys.” I swallow hard and glance between my parents. They’ve got their best poker faces on, not giving anything away, so I keep going.
“Some… things happened that made me repress those thoughts. I locked up that side of me tight and never let it surface again.” I pause, breath catching in my throat. “But now it’s like that box has split open, and everything I tried to hide is spilling out, whether I want it to or not.”
Dad reaches across the table and takes my hand, his smile so proud it nearly knocks the breath from my lungs. He nods once, and I keep going.
“So, what I’m trying to say is, I’m bisexual,” I exhale. “It’s been hidden in the back of my mind ever since I sealed it away a couple of years ago. But things have… changed. And now I don’t want to hide from myself, or from you two, anymore.”
“When did you acknowledge this, sweetheart?” Mom asks.
“Consciously? This morning.” I glance at her and catch the same proud smile Dad wore, but with a few tears welling in her eyes.
Even with both of them looking so genuinely happy I told them, there’s still this weight pressing on my chest. An unease I can’t quite shake.
“Are you guys upset?” I ask, voice small. “I just… I can see myself for who I really am, and I didn’t want to hide that from you. But if you’re disappointed—”
“Why on earth would you think we’re disappointed?” Dad gives my hand a small squeeze. “Son, you’re smart, kind, and one hell of a friend. We couldn’t be more proud that you felt safe enough to come tell us. Who you love does not change that.”
I take a shaky breath and lean my head back against the kitchen wall. Releasing my parents’ hands, I run mine down my face. The heaviness is still there, but telling them helped lighten the load. At least a little.
“Something else is bothering you.” Mom’s eyes search mine.
“Hadley and I aren’t doing well, and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. My head is still in it, but emotionally…” I trail off, unsure of how to finish my thought.
