My phone buzzes in my pocket. I ignore it without checking the caller ID. Probably Cullen realizing I slipped out. He’ll worry, but I just need a minute to breathe.
The night air is warm, but comfortable. I turn off the street and let my legs carry me down the dark dirt road toward the river. Matt only lives about a half mile from the water. Thankfully, I’m not trashed—just drunk enough to not care if someone really is out there watching me. Maybe they’ll do me a favor and shove me in the river. It might hurt less than the guilt pressing down on my chest.
Crickets and frogs sing louder the closer I get, the river rough tonight from an incoming storm. The moonlight glinting off the choppy surface makes it look alive.
I climb the hill to the old railroad bridge and duck under the rusted handrail. At the spot where Cull first kissed me, I sit, legs dangling over the worn wood, head resting against a paint-chipped beam.
Seeing Hadley like that was a gut punch. I didn’t know she was capable of that much venom, or that she’d been so jealous and resentful. All this time, I thought I was protecting her by keeping my struggles to myself, but maybe that silence weighed on her more than the truth ever could.
She sees me as spoiled and lazy. Someone who gets a pass while she drowns under pressure. I never realized that my struggles looked like privilege from the outside.
Would it have mattered if I’d told her? Maybe. Maybe not. Add it to the growing list of things I’ve royally fucked up.
My phone rings again. I sigh and pull it from my pocket, answering without checking the screen. “I’m sorry, babe. I just needed some—”
“My patience is running out.”
The voice is tinny, distorted. Almost like they’re using a voice changer.
Every muscle in my body seizes.
“Who is this?” I try to keep the fear from creeping into my voice. This is the first time they’ve called, and going to these lengths to conceal themselves terrifies me.
“You continue to ignore me,” the caller growls. “I can give you what they can’t. I’ve warned everyone. Especiallyhim.”
“What the hell do you mean?”
“You look lonely on that bridge.”
Then the line goes dead.
All I can hear is the pounding of my heart.
Thirty-Seven
Cullen
I’m losing Hudson, and I don’t know how to bring him back. I can see him retreating further into himself day by day, no matter how well he fakes it for everyone else. You’d never guess he’s unraveling when he’s laughing or cracking jokes, but I see it in the quiet moments. When his smile fades just a second too soon, or when his eyes glaze over like he’s watching a movie only he can see. When someone pulls him back to the moment, his answers come a little too slow, a little too vague.
He hasn’t been himself since the party, and I swear he’s walking a tightrope, teetering off the line.
And it scares the hell out of me.
After the blowup with Hadley, when I realized Hudson had vanished, I panicked. My first thought? He got in his Bronco drunk and drove home. Relief punched through me when I saw it still parked in Matt’s driveway. When he didn’t answer his phone, I followed my gut to the river. My body just knew that’s where he’d be.
What I didn’t anticipate was finding him sprinting back down the dirt lane like he was running from hell itself. My stomach dropped. I’d never seen him that scared before. It took five solid minutes to calm him down enough to tell me the stalker had called. When I asked if he recognized the voice, he just shook his head and said it was disguised.
He came back to Matt’s and started throwing back anything he could find. He even asked Ella what pills she had, right in front of me. That’s when I stepped in, unintentionally causing another fight. He told me to fuck off. Or fuck Hadley, hedidn’t care. I wanted to snap back, but it wasn’t him talking. It was the booze.
I gave Hudson some space, but I kept my eyes on him all night. Somehow, Hud managed to snag a pill from Ella right under my nose. I only figured it out when he bolted to the back patio and threw up everything—including a half-dissolved white pill. I know they weren’t his meds. I’ve made it my mission to learn everything I can about what he goes through and the medicines he takes.
I stayed with him, rubbing his back until he was done. Then I tucked him into one of Matt’s spare beds. He passed out fast, but not before mumbling a garbled apology andI love you.
I was hoping Senior Celebration Week might lift his spirits. It has, but only for a few minutes at a time. Like Monday, when they announced he was Valedictorian at graduation practice, the whole gym erupted. He smiled so wide and bright, but the second Hadley stood up and stormed out, it dimmed. The light went out behind his eyes. He sat back down, tuning out the praise like it meant nothing.
Yesterday was the senior picnic, and we spent the whole day outside, doing whatever we wanted as long as it was school-approved. We started up a soccer game, and Hudson played, but only half-heartedly. Hud lives for soccer, and to see him so disengaged made my stomach twist.
I know he’s trying to push through. But the more he tries, the more I see him shut down.
