Jonas, even if his motivations were to keep me blissfully content, was kinder than the Ljosalfar prince. My observations of him and his people were fair, light, and laden in mutual respect.
Maybe we would not develop a love match—not like I’d hoped—but I would strive to keep similar respect between us. Only after I soothed my cracking heart and gathered my thoughts on how to speak to him about what I knew.
Reckless. Stupid.
My bruised heart had fit the prince inside so well; he filled the spaces that were left in pain from old words and actions. I’d let him in, let him touch me, hold me. We burned through a fever together, laughed, and teased.
But he’d done it to keep his new wife appeased and an alliance strong.
Perhaps, I could settle for friendship. I could not so easily dismiss how much I’d come to care for the prince, and if it was not as lovers, I could not deny the desire to still find a place in his life.
Still, the tears came. I hurriedly entered the stables on the other end of the gardens and started to prepare a bridle on the head of a palace mare.
“Skadi?” From one of the stalls a face too similar to my nightmare prince peered out.
“Prince.” I dipped my chin when Sander approached, a thin ledger tucked under his arm.
“What’s the matter?” Sander leaned a shoulder against one of the stall posts, studying me.
I forced a grin. “Nothing.”
“Not sure you realize, but you’re part of a household of schemers trained to spot tells and lies written on the face.”
I blinked rapidly, desperate to bury the emotion, and pulled myself onto the back of the horse.
Sander gripped the bridle. “Did Jonas do something to distress you? He does mean well, I promise, but sometimes speaks before he thinks.”
“No. Of course not.” I prayed he could not hear the tremble in my voice. “I simply received some unsavory news from home. Nothingso wretched to fret over, merely upsetting. I wanted to be alone for a moment.”
The prince glanced toward the open door to the stables. “I don’t know if that’s wise, not after the elven?—”
“Have you forgotten that I can devour men, Prince? If another Ljosalfar attacked me, he would fall into the Nothing for eternity.”
Sander eyed me with what seemed sincere concern. “Skadi, Jonas is my brother, but you’re my sister now. If something is troubling you, I’m known to be a decent listener.”
“Thank you, but I’ll return shortly.” I sat straighter. “I simply must gather my thoughts before I speak to him now that I know the truth.”
“Truth about what?”
Dammit. My mind was reeling too swiftly that my words were too free. “I am told Arion still vies for my affection and your brother will try to keep it. I never wanted to be a prize, Sander. I simply wanted a home.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, but you do have a home here.” My brother-in-law released the bridle. “If you think Jonas does not care for you, forgive me, but you’re wrong. His mesmer attacked him over thoughts of you. That affection cannot be fabricated.”
My pulse thudded in my ears. All at once, the conversation and stable were too suffocating. “Are you going to prevent me from riding? It was a calming activity for me on Natthaven.”
Sander’s jaw went taut, but he stepped aside. “No. This family will never hold you prisoner.”
His words held meaning, a bit of a veiled promise that might lend way to hope. I gave him a nod of thanks and nudged the mare toward the back wood beyond the palace gates.
When trees blotted out the sun, a new tear fell. I swiped it away in a rush. What the hells was wrong with me? The prince had never offered his heart and instead promised the opposite. There was no reason to take offense to his kindness, despite the motivations.
Was there anything wrong about taking pleasure from each other? Our hearts would remain our own, but we were husband and wife.Perhaps, we could come to an agreement of friendly interactions, with a bit more if desired.
An ache burned in my chest. Truth be told, I wasn’t certain I could remain close to Jonas Eriksson and keep my heart safe.
Better to return to duty and distance.
The decision was wrong, and felt horrid in my mind.
