I couldn’t help it as moisture gathered in my eyes. I looked down to find Parker with the biggest grin on her face. She turned her attention on me, eyes gleaming, and I might’ve imagined it, but I think her fingers wrapped around mine for the briefest moment. Iwasn’t sure, though, as every time I got caught up in the reality of her standing before me, everything else faded away.
At the same time, she was bringing me back. Rooting me to the present and showing me light could be found, even when my head was stuck in a pit of darkness.
I lost track of how much time had passed since we arrived at my parents’ house. All I knew was that the sun was setting, and I was happy.
Parker had excused herself from the front porch a while ago, and I was trying not to let my concern show. She couldn’t possibly be in labor…right? She was over five months pregnant now, and while I knew scares could happen, I got the feeling she hadn’t disappeared due to those types of complications.
Even so, if she was fighting a mental battle right now, getting lost in herself, I didn’t want her to be alone in that. She might think she had to hide those types of things to keep up the image of being strong—but like myself, she had to learn that being low was okay, too. Not every day, every moment, were we capable of pasting on smiles.
I excused myself from my family, who were all gathered around the long table. Reed’s eyes tracked me as I moved, and I only hoped he didn’t follow me. The family had, for some reason, tasked him with keeping an eye on me over the last six or so months. While we had our share of disagreements, I’d gotten the sense he was tiredof playing the overbearing big brother role. I wouldn’t be surprised if they’d all made a pact to watch me today, though, between the drinking and the baby stuff.
After a quick search through the house, I found it was empty. A glance at the back sliding door showed it was cracked, a chilled breeze making its way inside. I crossed the room, planning to close it, when Parker’s form took shape at the railing on the porch. Little pieces of hair were floating around her face, her cheeks slightly red from the cold. From where I stood, I could only see a portion of the side of her face. Her arms were crossed where she leaned on the wood in front of her, her ivory sweater pulled tight around her to ward off the chill.
Slowly, I slid open the door until I had enough space to slip out. I wasn’t quiet as I closed it and moved to her side. Still, knowing I was there, she continued to stare out at the land. Faint oranges and purples mingled with the horizon, only minutes of the colorful canvas left in the day. With the darkening landscape, the outdoor lights strung up across the porch began burning brighter, casting a golden glow over the worn wood.
She didn’t speak, so I didn’t either. Instead, I fought the urge to pull her into my side as I followed her line of sight.
Minutes passed before she said, “Do you ever feel like time is moving too fast?”
I looked down at her, finding her gaze still hooked on the darkening landscape. “All the time.”
She seemed to think on that a moment before saying, “What if this is my only pregnancy, and I’m sitting here blinking and missing it as it flies by?”
I swallowed, because if I had it my way, and this pregnancy went well, she’d be pregnant a hundred more times. Babies with her had always been my dream. “Do you not want more kids?”
Glassy eyes met mine. “Do you really think anyone will want me after I’ve had another man’s baby?”
I do, I almost said, but stopped myself right before the admission passed my lips.
“You’re havingyourbaby, Parker. And that doesn’t mean you’re tainted. It means you grew an entire human, and you’re beyond fucking strong for doing it. Any man that doesn’t see that, send them to me.”Send me any man that talks to you. I’ll show them what happens when they go near my Parker.
Her lips rolled together before she broke our stare. “I just don’t want to regret missing these moments. Women have photoshoots, gender reveals, baby showers. They decorate a room and pack a hospital bag. All I’ve had time to focus on is myself. I’m already selfish, and he’s not even here yet.”
I cupped her chin, forcing her to look at me. “Don’t ever say you’re selfish. You’re doing the things you need to do to ensure your child has a good life when he comes into this world. None of that is selfish. But you also can’t forget about you. We’ll make all that happen, if that’s what you want.”
Her eyes welled with tears, but they didn’t fall. “It’s too late,” she whispered.
“It’s never too late.” My focus darted to her glistening lips.
Her breathing seemed to deepen, her cheeks reddening further as she noticed where I was staring. “We can’t kiss.” The statement was barely audible, like she didn’t want to be reminded of it either.
“I know,” I murmured.
But that didn’t stop my thumb from running along her cheek. It trailed down to the line of her jaw and tipped her head back. Her bottom lip puffed out as her mouth parted and her eyes became heavy.
“I don’t want you to be upset because of the gender reveal. Because itwillhappen. Everything you want, I’ll make it come true. I promise.”
Her lashes fluttered closed before they opened and landed on my mouth. “Beckham…”
“Yes, Park?”
“Please distract me.”
Those three words revived me. Lit a flame only Parker could ignite.
My hand carefully grazed down her neck, her pulse jumping at the pads of my fingers. I trailed them over her collarbone, down the dip of her dress, until my rough palm caught on the fabric of her pink dress. I cupped her breast, squeezing.
Her sharp intake of breath nearly brought me to my knees.
