“We can tell them the truth, Beckham. You don’t have to sacrifice yourself for me and my baby.”
I set the tongs on the counter a little too hard. “Sacrifice? Parker, you already know I’d fucking die for you. You don’t think I’d do that for your baby, too?”
She straightened. “I know you would. But this is my problem, not yours.”
“You’ve always been my problem, Park. And if you think I’ve got nothing to lose, well, I’d have said you were right a few days ago. But now? I have you to lose.”
Sadness swirled in her eyes. “What does that even mean?”
I knew she meant the first part of my statement, but I ignored it. That was a story to unpack another time. But even bringing it up had a weight landing on my chest like a ton of bricks. A thick, pungent scent filled the air, and I remembered the chicken.
“Shit.” I grabbed the tongs and flipped the chicken over. The top was slightly charred, but not unsalvageable.
Parker moved from her spot. “Do you need help?”
I shook my head, turning the heat down a bit. “I’ve got it.”
She stopped in her tracks, and I met her gaze. She probably had so many emotions warring around in that little head of hers, and here I was, making things worse. We needed a subject change before I said shit I’d regret, like how I wished she would sleep in my bed so I could feel a little less alone on the nights I couldn’t sleep.
“I saw your profile,” I said, turning the stove fan on low.
“You did?”
I nodded. “Didn’t know you werethatpopular, Park. I’m a little jealous.”
Her nonresponse had me looking over tofind a smile on her lips, cheeks rosy. “I’m surprised you haven’t seen it before. I figured you would’ve looked me up at some point.”
I shrugged before grabbing a pot for the rice. I was doing this all out of order, but Parker was distracting me, and honestly, I didn’t care how long it took to cook this meal. I could stand here talking to her all night. “I tried not to.”
Seeing her happy and living her life, even through a screen, would’ve hurt too much.
“I looked you up.”
I busied myself with the rice and water, measuring each. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. I was just…scared to reach out. I guess? I didn’t know if you would’ve wanted that.”
I lit the burner before turning my full attention on her. I didn’t tell her I would’ve loved to have heard from her. I didn’t admit I thought about where she was constantly, and whether our trips would ever line up. I didn’t mention how I looked for her everywhere I went, even knowing she could easily be hundreds of miles away. Parker was always on my mind, and the only thing preventing me from confessing that was the fear that I wasn’t always on hers.
“I always want to hear from you, Park.”
My admission had her cheeks burning hotter. As if a light had been switched, she cleared her throat and stepped back. “I should go shower before we eat.”
“There are extra towels in the hall closet if you need them.” Lettie had forced me to have extras of everything—bedding, toilet paper, washcloths, you name it—saying I needed more on hand than just one of each thing.
She offered a small thanks before disappearing down the hall.
I stood there cooking, wondering why the fuck I still couldn’t keep my thoughts straight around her.
9
PARKER
My growing stomach stared at me in the mirror, and I stared back at it. Every day, the size turned more from looking like bloat to looking like…I was carrying a baby.
Mybaby.
Not anyone else’s but mine. The thought scared me sometimes, knowing that the other half of this baby didn’t care enough to be here for him.
