I used to feel shame when I held it, believing I wasn’t good enough. That I was a sinner.
Now it feels like a symbol of hope.
There’s nothing wrong with me. God isn’t up there looking down on me. He gave me the strength to make my own choice. To finally stand up for myself.
I slide into the passenger seat, and Amon places his hand on my leg.
“We’ll be all right…right?” I ask him.
He smiles and kisses me with a new kind of intent. That of a husband. A forever partner.
“Of course, my little nun. Of course.”
EPILOGUE
JOAN
Four years later…
I watch from the patio as my husband chases our son around the yard. He’s waving a stick above his head, giggling as he pretends to be a knight or a fearsome warrior. To me, he’ll always be my little prince.
Watching Amon with Charlie always makes my heart warm. He’s the best father in the world.
I reach down and feel my belly, now flat and smooth, and I feel that itch returning. The itch for another.
After Charlie was born, I went on the pill for a while. I had to. Amon can’t keep his hands off me, and at the rate we were going at each other, I’d have been pregnant again immediately.
But now that we have our family in order, and Amon’s fund is doing better than ever, we both decided it was time.
He’s taken me seven times in the last two days. Twice in bed to wake me, twice before bed to put me to sleep, and one ferocious quickie in the kitchen while Charlie was napping.
I smile at the ache between my thighs. Amon says it’s nearly impossible for him to be gentle with me. He just can’t stophimself. I tell him the truth—that I love it. It reminds me of just how much he loves me.
I feel no shame now.
His touch used to make me worried. I believed what we were doing was wrong—that I was a sinner. I thought my desires made me broken. Now I know they were what makes me alive.
I thought those desire might disappear once I became a mother. But in fact, it was the total opposite.
In fact, my sex life with Amon has only increased since I gave birth.
My smile broadens as I watch Amon sweep Charlie up into his arms, showering him with kisses.
It fills my heart to know that he will have a stable and loving home. Amon and I are obsessed with each other. Nothing will ever come between us.
I catch his eye, and he grins at me, spinning Charlie playfully.
What a life he’s given me. Four years ago, when we stormed out of his father’s house, he took me to a lavish hotel. He spoiled me rotten for the week we stayed there, then brought me to the house we now live in.
It’s more than I ever could have dreamt of, with more than enough space to build a big family.
Contact with our parents was sparse to begin with. John reached out first, being the diplomatic businessman that he is. He even came to visit and brought us a housewarming gift.
“It’s a decorative bowl, ya know? You can put like…fruit in it.”
I remember Amon and I both looking at each other while trying not to laugh. But, hey, it’s the thought that counts.
It took Mom a lot longer to come around. In fact, she and I never spoke until Charlie was born. But once I started sending her pictures, she finally stopped giving me the silent treatment.
