A hunger lives inside me now. Or maybe it’s always been there like Momma said, and it took Amon to truly awaken it.
It would be so easy to sneak down to the closet and punish myself. Ride the saddle until I can’t take it anymore.
But would it really be the same without him? Without his discipline and control?
I hear his voice again outside. He’s laughing, talking about how no one can beat him.
I try to control myself, but something snaps inside. I grab my plate and am just about to rush downstairs and demand his attention when my cell phone rings.
It’s the first call I’ve received since I left the convent, and it’s Momma.
No. She is thelastperson I want to talk to right now. But I know if I don’t answer, she’s just going to keep calling and calling. And God forbid I let it go to voicemail.
So I answer.
“Hey, Momma, this isn’t really a great time—”
“Your father and I just landed and are about to get in the car,” she replies, cutting me off. “Did you get your letter from the convent?”
Instantly, goosebumps break out across my arms.
“Letter? I don’t think so…”
“Okay, well you need to be back there on Monday,” she says. “So make sure you’ve been keeping up with your prayers…”
I start to zone out. Back on Monday? That’s in three days. What is she talking about?
“Momma,” I say slowly. “Ileftthe convent.”
“Yes, yes you did.” I can hear the disapproval in her voice. “But we both know that was just temporary. You can’t push Godfrom your life, sweetie. Do you want to end up like those floozies shaming themselves on the Internet?”
For some reason, her words feel like they have an extra bite to them. She may have overreacted when she found my thong, but I managed to shrug it off. I hadn’t done anything wrong. Does God really care about what underwear I choose to wear?
But now…I’m hiding something big from Momma. She and John would surely lose it if they found out.
“No, of course not, Momma,” I reply. My stomach sinks so low I feel like I’m melting into the floor.
“Good girl,” she replies. I hear John’s voice in the background. “Oh, I’ve got another call. See you when we get home!”
Before I can even reply, she hangs up.
It’s all I can do to not throw the phone against the wall.
My breath comes in short, labored gasps as I take the stairs to the kitchen. Amon has left his plate for me, and I quickly wash them both. It’s actually a welcome distraction from the truth that now sits in my mind like a poison.
Momma’s coming home. John is coming home. The day of reckoning is coming, and I can’t hide forever.
8
AMON
I just can’t stop winning.
I went into work early to go over some research I’d assigned to my team. It told me what I already knew, which led to a few more trades, which, by noon, led to another eighty million.
My phone buzzes in my pocket. A text from Dad:
Coming home early. See you later.
