“What do you mean?”
He sighed. I waited, wanting to know where his mind was taking him.
“If you could walk away from what we do, would you?”
I turned my frowning face up to look at him. Was this just a coincidence, or could he somehow hear my deepest secrets? I’d never thought about leaving the mafia. It had saved my life in so many ways. That was until I had Neri. The moment I held her little body in my arms, wrapped in a bundle of blankets, so fragile and innocent, I was overcome with guilt. What had I done, bringing her into a world of crime and brutality? And she was a girl. There would always be a risk to her life, no matter how hard I protected her.
That day, the day she was born, was the first time I truly thought about leaving. About wishing for a different life. But there was no way out. Enzo and I both knew it. He’d been trapped in it more than anyone. Once you were part of the mafia, especially in powerful positions like ours, there was only one way out: in a body bag. You made far too many enemies to ever be safe on your own.
“What are you talking about, Enzo? You’re a mafia boss. I’m the consigliere to the mafia king. There’s no way out.”
“But let’s say there was. Would you want to? Would you start a normal life with Nerina and me, somewhere we could be happy?”
“Why are you saying this?” I rested my head back on his chest. I didn’t see the point of this conversation. I needed a solution to the fact that my life was in the South and his in the North, not fantasies.
“Do you remember the dream I had? The beach house? I still think of it.”
I tensed, a wave of anguish rushing through me at the memory. I remember believing, the night he told me about that dream, that it might one day come true. That we’d have a family of our own, live in a remote but beautiful place, and have a normal life together. Then reality hit.
“It’s an impossible dream.”
“Who says?” Enzo sat up, twisting to look down at me. “I’m serious, Finn.”
I sat up too, scrubbing my hand across my face. “What are you saying? You want to leave the mafia? You’re a fucking Don, Enzo. A childless one, I should add.”
“I’ve always wanted out. I was born into a life that wasn’t for me, and I’ve never stopped wanting a different one,” he said, staring into my eyes. I froze. Deep down, I’d always known that about him, but this was the first time he’d said it aloud.
Some mafia heirs were born; others were made. Enzo didn’t really fit either. He’d had to learn to be the version of himself everyone expected him to be. His father. His men. Other mafia families. He’d always been living for others, never for himself. But something had shifted in him over the past few weeks. I’d seen it. He was fighting for what he wanted.
He grabbed my hand, lifting it to his lips and kissing my wrist. My heart nearly burst at how tender he could be. But that was the real Enzo, the one he had hidden beneath the cold, hard shell of brutality. And it wanted to break free.
“You’re not saying anything,” he whispered, his eyes full of worry. I swallowed. He was right. I wasn’t sure what to say.
My life had never been normal or safe. I wasn’t born into the mafia, but I never really had a choice. It was either join the Barbieri ranks or stay in Grim’s merciless clutches. I worked damn hard to make something of myself. I had no idea whether I was even capable of living outside the mafia. What would that even look like?
The image of me, Enzo and Nerina on a peaceful beach, laughing and playing, kept coming back to me. I wanted that. I wanted to be a family. For Neri to grow up happy and safe. To shield her from the evil in the world. To wake up every morning with Enzo next to me, his sleepy smile and floppy blonde hair to be the first things I saw.
I started shaking my head. “It’s a dream, Enzo. A beautiful, untouchable dream.”
“Some dreams can come true.”
“Not that one.” I stood up, brushing the grass from my jeans, grabbed my hat, and pulled it back on. Enzo stood too, staring at me with that haunted look of disappointment I couldn’t bear. “If we ran away, we’d never be safe. We’ve made too many enemies over the years to know that without the security of Mala Del Brenta, people would come for us. I could never risk Nerina’s life like that, and I couldn’t leave Alessio. He needs me. I made an oath to always be by his side, and I never intend to break it.”
“Alessio?” Enzo scoffed. “He’s a grown man with his own family, Finn. He has an heir to take over later, and we both know Fabi could be his consigliere. Don’t you think he’d want you to be happy?”
“Look where we fucking are and what we’re about to do, Enzo. Facing the New York Don and consigliere to blackmail them into calling a truce or die trying. I’m here because I have to be. If we don’t succeed, you know what happens next. Full-blown war. So this is our hand. We can’t fail, or everyone I fucking love is at risk. There’s no escaping this life; there’s only surviving it.”
He stared at me, strangely calm and pensive, then took a step closer. “Let’s pretend for a second that it didn’t matter. If it were possible and we were safe? If I could promise we would give Nerina a better life away from the violence, would you want that with me?”
I shook my head because he had lost the plot. His hands cradled my face, forcing me to stay still, and he pressed his forehead to mine.
“Tell me.”
His aqua eyes melted away the last of my excuses, because all I saw was him and the future he was painting. And it hurt. It hurt so much because I wanted it.
“Yes. Of course I would.”
He smiled and kissed me. “Then one day, I’ll make it true.”
