He stared out of the plane window, a storm of emotion raging behind his brown eyes, until we landed at Newark Airport. By the time we climbed into the backs of our separate hired cars with our soldiers, I was spiralling too.
He kissed me back. But what did that really mean? Had he forgiven me? Was that his way of telling me he was ready to put the past behind us because I’d earned my second chance at his love? Was he mine again? Or was it just a kiss? One he instantly regretted? I’d done all the talking.
I’d got everything off my chest that I needed to say, but… he hadn’t actually said anything in response, had he? He did kiss me back, though. I had to hold on to that. It meant something.
My men were as fucking awkward as Finn as we drove in silence to the hotel. No one dared to say a word to me, sensing I was growing agitated with every passing second. When we finally parked, I watched Finn climb out of his car and grab his suitcase. His gaze briefly flicked to my blacked-out windows, and a tiny spark of hope ignited that he might wait for me to emerge, but by the time I’d opened the door, he’d already walked into the hotel lobby, heading for the check-in.
So that’s how it was going to be? Back to pretending we meant nothing to each other, even though we’d just kissed in public forthe first time? I shook my head, yanked my suitcase from the boot, and followed him inside.
“Here are your room keys, sir,” the receptionist slid a number of access cards across the desk to Finn. “We hope you have a pleasant stay.”
“Thank you,” he replied in English, giving her a smile.
Fuck me, she hands him a key and gets a smile, while I pour out my heart and get the fucking cold shoulder? Fantastico.
He turned to me, still avoiding my gaze, and handed me three of the room keys. “For you and your men.”
Not sharing a room, then.I gave two to my soldiers and nodded for them to head up and get some rest for a few hours. We were all going to be jet-lagged, but there was no way I was going to sleep. Not until I figured out what the hell was going on in Finn’s head.
“So the plan is to lie low in New Jersey until I hear from Oliver, the sex worker at Frankie’s club. I’ve sent two Barberi soldiers to New York to see whether they can track Frankie or Joey Galiz’s movements. Once we get the go-ahead from either of them, we’ll head to New York.”
I stared at him, my jaw tight with tension as I listened to him repeat the plan I’d already heard three times. When I still didn’t respond, he finally glanced up. His cold exterior fractured slightly when our eyes met, but he straightened his shoulders and scanned the lobby for the lifts.
He walked straight past me, then waited, pressing the button. I followed, stopping beside him and staring at the side of his face. He wanted to pretend it never happened? Fine. But I wasn’t going to make it easy for him.
When the doors parted to let us in, we both tried to squeeze through at the same time, our shoulders smashing together. He stepped back and I pushed forward, and then the doors closed. We kept to opposite sides of the metal box as we ascended thefloors. He stared at his phone while I stared at his face. You could cut the tension with a fucking machete, and when the doors finally pinged open on the top floor, he exhaled, clearly feeling it too.
We walked down the brightly lit corridor, our suitcases trailing behind us until my door came into view. We hovered awkwardly for a few moments.
“I guess we should get some rest then,” he said, gripping the handle of his suitcase until his knuckles turned white.
“If that’s what you want,” I answered, too fucking riled up to offer anything more.
I wasn’t sure what else I could give him at this point. I was trying to be patient, to understand him, but fuck, I was struggling. I didn’t want to say anything that could ruin all the progress I’d made, so keeping quiet and going with his shitty plan to bury his head in the sand seemed like my only option.
His eyes met mine. His chest rose with a heavy exhale. “We should focus on what we’re here to do. Everything else has to wait.”
He meant us. We had to wait. I bobbed my head, holding his gaze. “Okay.”
“Okay,” he repeated, but he still didn’t move. After the longest five seconds of my life, he looked away and backed down the corridor. “Call if you hear anything, then.”
I scanned my card and shoved the door open, disappearing inside as quickly as I could to stop myself from going after him, slamming him against the wall, and fucking some sense into him. How he could be so composed and cold was beyond me.
Tossing my suitcase across the room, I growled, and my hands flew into my hair. I was at my wits’ end. I didn’t know what more I could do or say to make him believe I’d changed. To make him see how fucking sorry I was and how I’d do anything, anything,to have him kiss me like that every damn day for the rest of mylife. If he refused me after kissing me like that, I wasn’t sure how I’d survive it. Not when I’d been so close to having him back in my arms.
A knock on the door made me freeze. My eyes bulged, and my heart thudded. I didn’t dare hope. Except, of course, I fucking did.
The moment I pulled the door open, Finn’s hands cupped my face and his lips claimed mine with the urgency of a man possessed. I stumbled as he drove me back until I hit the wall, and he kicked the door shut with his foot. Need slammed through me as his tongue dominated mine, and his teeth nipped at my bottom lip.
In seconds, we were tearing at each other’s clothes, shredding them to the floor as we breathed heavily between frantic kisses. When we were only in our trousers, he grabbed my wrists and slammed them against the wall, on both sides of my head. My head tilted back as my lips fell open. He pressed hot, open-mouthed kisses and bites down my throat and along my chest, and his nose rubbed against my nipple.
“Finn,” I groaned, arching my back and pressing my hips forward to meet his, but he was too busy devouring every inch of my skin, licking, kissing, and biting my abs to notice.
A small part of my brain whispered that I should stop this because we clearly needed to talk, but that voice was barely a breath beneath the raging desire that had taken hold. Just to feel his hands and mouth on me again, after all these years, was like falling down a fucking rabbit hole of fantasy. I wasn’t strong enough to stop the fall to the bottom.
He dropped to his knees, taking my wrists with him and pinning them behind my back with one hand while he undid my zip with the other. I gasped as he took me into his mouth without warning, swirling his tongue around my head and along my leaking slit. My thighs shook as he took me deeper, bobbing upand down on my cock while I could barely hold on to my reality. I bucked against the hand pinning my wrists, losing my mind as he slid deeper, taking me down his tight throat.
He completely owned me like this, and he knew it. The way he cupped my balls as he used his lips, his tongue, and his perfect suction to take me to the brink, then eased off and teased my head again, had me panting and whimpering like his needy little slut. But that’s what Finn did to me. What he’d always done to me. It was why I could never be with another man, why I could never even get hard enough to entertain the idea, because they weren’t him. It wouldn’t be the same. No man would ever own and command my body the way he did.
