He shifted onto his side so he faced me, even though his eyes were already closed. I intertwined our hands over the cover and watched him breathe steadily.
“Grazie,” he mumbled. “For this and for him.”
“Don’t thank me,” I whispered, stroking my knuckles down his cheek. “This wouldn’t have happened if it weren’t for me.”
“Exactly,” he whispered, forcing his eyes open. “I killed the Grim Reaper. I watched the life drain from his eyes, knowing the last thing he ever saw was my face.” He sighed, almost in relief, and his whole body relaxed. “He’ll never hurt another boy again. You gave me that. I’ll never be able to thank you enough. You dolove me in all the wrong ways, Aiani. But it’s the kind of love I need.”
I pressed my lips together and watched him sink into a deep, exhausted sleep.
Chapter fourteen
Present Day
Threading my silver cufflinks through the cuffs of my shirt, I kept my gaze fixed on my naked ex-lover, still asleep in my bed. My head was in shambles. My heart was in a worse state. Last night was a blur of red, black, and then crystal blue. Blood, blackout, and then his eyes.
I sank into the chair that faced the window but was also angled towards the bed because I couldn’t seem to tear my eyes away from him for too long. Every groove, contour, and freckle on his body had lived rent-free in my mind for ten years, but seeing this older, more defined, muscular version of tanned skin, with endless abs and broad shoulders, was hard to ignore. His usually immaculately styled blonde hair was soft and tousled on the pillow, and his full lips and sharp cheekbones made him looklike he was modelling for a bed advert. He was too damn good-looking. Always had been. Too beautiful for the darkness he was born into.
But Enzo had been marked by brutality. I still couldn’t believe he had found Ettore, captured and tortured him, and then gifted him to me on a deadly platter. And there had been others—clients of Ettore, men who had paid for me or worked for him at some point. All of them dead by Enzo’s hand. He had hung their pictures around Ettore’s cell, showing him what had happened to his accomplices. But he had saved Grim for me. It was dark, twisted, and the most romantic thing anyone had ever done for me. He had given me justice.
I didn’t remember much after I killed Grim, which meant I’d had an episode. I blacked out. It was my body’s way of coping with a traumatic or distressing encounter. My mind simply shut down, and everything went dark. It used to happen regularly when I was a child, but rarely as an adult. I must have taken the jet back to Sicily, and Enzo had brought me back to life. It had been years since I’d experienced one. The past was the past. However, killing Ettore had triggered it, and I knew Enzo would feel guilty for that. But he shouldn’t. I’d take a whole year of blackouts if it meant that monster never breathed the same air as me again.
I knew something had happened between Enzo and me last night. I remembered snippets. Kissing him. Needing him more than oxygen. He got on his knees and took my cock in his mouth. His hands on my body in the shower, soft and tender. Holding me as I fell asleep. I didn’t think we’d fucked, though I couldn’t be certain. But it wasn’t just my memories that were fractured. It was my feelings, too. I didn’t know how or what I was feeling anymore. I’d tried so fucking hard to keep him out, but somehow he was there, beneath my skin, in my bones, in every beat of my fucked-up heart.
Enzo yawned, stretching his arms above his head before blinking himself awake. I leaned back in the chair as his gaze settled on me, and he gave me a soft smile.
“Morning. How are you feeling?”
“Like I’ve been hit by a truck,” I opted for honesty. “But I’ll be okay.”
He pulled himself up against the headboard and nodded. The sheet slipped down his torso, pooling in his lap and giving me a mouth-watering view of his body. I should have looked away, but I took too long and he noticed me staring.
“You should put some clothes on,” I said, forcing my gaze away from him. I could feel his smirk as he watched me put on my watch.
“Or you could take some off.”
I cut him with a glare that told him to behave.
“Did we fuck last night?” I held my breath, waiting for an answer. I wasn’t sure whether it was a good thing that I couldn’t remember.
“No. Unless fucking my mouth counts.”
“I vaguely remember that part. Sorry.”
“Don’t apologise. You know how much I love being choked by your dick, Rossetti.”
He threw back the covers, his naked body and semi-hard cock in full view as he climbed out of bed and stretched. I forced my gaze to the window, though every muscle in my body had tensed and my own cock was twitching to life as he pulled on his trousers. He came over to the opposite chair and sat down, staring at me with those piercing blue eyes that strangled my soul.
“I guess we need to talk,” I huffed, rolling my shoulders to shake off the tension. The problem was, I didn’t know what I wanted to say. I was so damn confused. I couldn’t keep telling myself I didn’t want this man, that I wasn’t still hopelessly inlove with him. But I had Neri to think about. As tempting as it was, I couldn’t slip back into old habits.
“We do.”
“I appreciate what you did for me. I do. You gave me something that... means everything. I can see you’re trying, you’ve grown as a person, and I’m pleased you’re finally at peace with who you are. But it kills me that it took us breaking up for you to get there. I just can’t do this with you again.”
He narrowed his eyes. “Do what exactly?”
“This,” I said, waving my hand between us. “Us. Walking away from you was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I don’t let many people get close to me, Enzo. But I let you. And you fucked me over. You chose duty over me.”
“No.” He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “I chose survival, and I lost the only thing worth surviving for. I made a mistake.”
