He moaned around me, taking me deeper, sucking harder until I was a twitching, groaning mess, struggling to hold on to my sanity. He never stopped watching me, just as he had all night in the club, and it made me fucking furious and insanelyaroused all at once. That dark hunger in pools of deep brown challenged me, stripped me bare, and took everything I’d tried to hide.
It shouldn’t feel like this.This shouldn’t feel so fucking good, better than any experience I’ve ever had.
That pissed me off. He pissed me off.
I grabbed his hair, shoving him down harder and thrusting my hips, fucking his hot mouth with aggression. He let me. He fucking liked it, moaning and slurping around my dick. He was perfect. Losing control, I grunted loudly as I exploded down his tight throat, then collapsed back into my seat, panting hard. He swallowed every drop, lapping at my length with care that made it feel too intimate.
I wanted to crawl out of my skin.
I threw my hand over my eyes, my chest heaving, then shoved him away. As the orgasm subsided, it was replaced by a flood of shame. Gut-wrenching shame that made me want to turn that gun on myself for being so fucking weak.
I shoved my dick back into my trousers and started doing up my belt clumsily, ignoring how much my hands were shaking, especially the one still holding my gun. I wanted to kill him. I wanted to kill him for forcing me to confront a dark part of myself that could never be seen.
“You’re thinking about killing me now,” he said, huffing back into his seat and resting a hand on the steering wheel.
He looked so calm, even though he knew the threat was real. I should kill him so he could never tell a soul what we’d just done. He knew that. He turned to look at me, and I clenched my jaw because those eyes were too damn soft.
“Go on then. Shoot me. But it won’t change a damn thing, and you know it. So what? You liked having your cock sucked by a man? Who fucking cares?”
“Me!” I shouted, my rage igniting as if he’d just switched on the detonation button in my soul. “I fucking care! And you’re a deluded fool if you think the world we live in will accept being led by a bisexual mafia boss! I’ll have a bullet in my head before the end of the night.”
He exhaled and looked out of the window, rubbing his jaw. He knew I was right. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes, lighting one between his lips. I snatched one from the pack in his hand, and he raised his eyebrows with a slight smirk.
“Last time I gave you one of them, you threw your guts up. Don’t fucking puke in my car.”
“Well, you’re the reason I’ll probably die of lung cancer. I haven’t stopped since.”
We were silent for a few minutes as we smoked. I kept stealing quick glances at him, memorising the contours of his face and the black ink down his arm. The smoke calmed me, and I wasn’t in such a deadly mood anymore. I knew I couldn’t kill him. But that bothered me. I’d killed three men that year. Mypapimade me kill a man when I was fourteen. I’d been killing assholes who had threatened me ever since. Yet there I was, sitting in a car with a man who was more of a threat to me than anyone else, and I couldn’t do it. Why?
I didn’t know anything about him apart from his name and that he was a Buccini soldier sworn to protect Elenora. Suddenly, I was struck by how much I wanted to know more. I wanted to know everything.
“How long have you been working for the Buccinis?”
“Eight years.”
“Do you have a family?”
“No.”
“How old are you?”
“Just turned twenty-six.”
“What were you doing before you joined the mafia?”
He rolled his tongue over his teeth and then glanced at me. “What am I interviewing for?”
“Just want to know who I let suck my dick.”
He laughed, shaking his head. “The less you know about me, the better.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “When did you know you were into men?”
“I’ve always known.”
“Always?” I was surprised. I knew I found men attractive when I watched football with mypadreat age ten and realised I preferred staring at the players rather than the ball, but I never wanted to acknowledge it. I found women attractive too, so I’d focused on that.
“Pretty much. When you’ve been sucking dicks for seventeen years, you kind of know.”
