“We can’t.”He looks every inch the grim doctor delivering bad news.“See?This is why we can’t.I’m not safe for you, beautiful.”
My pussy clenches, as if in disappointment.I try to stave off the pain.It’s not a rejection, I remind myself.
Still, that familiar feeling of unworthiness soaks into me.It’s the feeling attached to all the multitude of small and large rejections I received from my drug-addicted parents.I know from therapy they weren’t related to my worthiness, but about their inability to function as decent parents.
“Fuck, Maisy.I want to.You know that, right?”
I nod, but the feeling remains.Sometimes you know something’s true in your head, but it doesn’t change the old familiar feeling.
“Come here.”Matthias gathers me up in his arms and arranges himself sideways on the party bench with his back leaning against the side wall and his legs extending along the back bench.
He cradles me on his lap, pulling my head to lean against his shoulder.He cups my head in his big hand.I feel the cool metal of his own wedding band on my cheek and smell the comforting scent of his delicious cologne.“I just don’t want to hurt you, beautiful.You’re special to me.”
I’m special to him.
Could it be my teen fantasy is coming true?That he has always been interested in me and was waiting for me to grow up?
Whether it’s true or pretend, I choose to believe it.
The feelings of rejection and unworthiness seep away, transformed into a sense of safety.Of being cared for.
Of love.
That seems silly since the marriage is fake, and we hardly know each other, but I choose to believe it, too.
The effects of whatever medicine Matthias gave me have worn off, and I’m suddenly exhausted after staying up all night.
I tuck my face into Matthias’ neck and breathe in his manly scent.
“Sleep, Maisy,” he murmurs.“I’ve got you.”
ChapterEleven
Maisy
For the second day in a row, I wake in a strange bed.But this time, I know I’m safe even before I open my eyes.I smell Matthias’ scent all around me.The memory of being cradled in his arms last night–well, technically this morning, but I’m calling it last night since I’ve slept between then and now–still makes me tingle all over.
I still feel amazing.The sun shines bright, high in the sky.I’m in a light, clean room that’s decorated in light brown and soft blue colors to match the blue water sparkling outside the big bay window.
I’m wearing the wedding ring and the diamonds, but I’m wrapped in a fluffy bathrobe.The wedding dress hangs by the closet.
I guess I fell asleep on Matthias’ lap last night.He must have carried me here and tucked me in.
The opposite side of the bed is still made, but there’s a big dent in it, like a giant bear-man lounged there.He lay on top of the blankets, like a gentleman.
Maybe today I’ll have the courage to ask him to take my V-card.Or at least find out why he’s so afraid he’ll hurt me.
“Good morning.”Matthias walks in with two blue mugs of steaming coffee.
“Is it still morning?It was morning when I fell asleep.”
“It’s eleven.”He offers me a mug.
“For me?”I accept it with a sigh.
“It’s not as good as what you make, but I figured I’d start the day doing my duty as your husband.”
Oh.My.God.He’s calling himself my husband.I mean, heislegally my husband, but it was just to save me from my dad’s scheme.Except now I don’t ever want this to end.
