But I have no choice but to wait, because the life of our baby depends on it.
I just hope that once you see our baby, you will believe it was all worth it.
The judge had a painful death by my hands. I’d killed him during his hunting trip, making him lose his mind in the wild to the point where he ran around hysterically calling for help as all his wits failed him. Once he was trembling from the cold, I grabbed him up and brought him to an isolated holding place. As tough as he’d appeared in court, he was nothing but a coward. He quickly spilled that he was paid a big sum of money to close the case and make sure I was locked up.
I wouldn't have touched him if he was a man who’d followed the law and did his job with all the facts given. That would have been his right and I wouldn't hold a grudge. But this was not the case.
I shot him right between his eyes, and in a second, he was gone. I wasn't in the mood for long torture, and I regretted it now. Knowing how much he had hurt my woman, I would have spent more time teaching him a lesson before his death.
December, 2011
I’ve written seven letters and still have no reply. Every time I see a mailman or check my box, I hope to see something.
But it never happens. I think I can understand your anger. You don't see why I would do something like that, but I had no choice.
I never loved anyone but you, Radmir… and never will. Nothing can change the fact I’m yours. I just wish you still thought of yourself as mine.
May, 2012
Jake is sleeping in his crib, and I should probably be sleeping as well instead of writing here, but I need to calm down before tomorrow.
I’m going to see you… even though you refuse to meet me. I still have hope with my last letter, which included Jake’s photo, you would change your mind.
He is so precious, Radmir. I never thought I could love anyone like that… where I would give everything to him just to make him happy. Looking at him, holding him, makes it all worth it.
My pain and heartache disappears into love.
Only at nights do my tears come unbidden, as I imagine what it would have been like if you were with us.
Please, Radmir, please, forgive me and allow me to finally see you.
October, 2013
I can’t do this anymore. My heart broke with each silence, with each rejection, even though maybe I deserved it. But how can you not see that marrying Alex was the only choice I had to keep our baby safe?
I thought I could do it, but even talking to you here is so painful, and I can barely breathe. I shouldn't be sad all the time. I shouldn't suffer so much and not think about our little boy who needs a mother. I can’t focus on my emotions anymore, so it’s better to turn them off, for now.
My only hope is that when you get out and seek your revenge, I’m not naïve enough to think that a man like you wouldn't blame me or want some kind of justice. You’ll no doubt come to me first. I just hope when you do, you’ll see how much I love you, and that despite the golden band on my finger, which means nothing, I never belonged to another.
August, 2016
I promised not to write to you again, because it was too painful, but how could I not do it after I got the slight glimpse of you for the first time in five years?
Jake fell on the ice during our visit to my parents, and although everyone claimed he was fine, I wanted him to be checked by the doctor.
While filling in the papers at the administration desk, I heard your name being called by the doctors as you were rushed into the ER with blood smeared all over you. I couldn't help but stare on in shock, barely breathing from the idea of losing you. I did in a way all those years ago, but to permanently know you no longer exist in this world? Just the idea shattered me.
I asked Mom to take our son home and then stayed in the hospital, hoping to hear news about you. One of my high school friends was a nurse there, so she informed me all was well.
As well as it could have been with all the wounds you received and the coma.
Even though you refused to see me, I had no idea you’d be subjected to such treatment in prison. Stupid me thought mafia members were protected in such establishments, but it was all my foolish illusions.
I called Alex from there and told him time was up, the five years had passed, and he agreed with me. While he isn’t a monster, I really can’t stand him and this charade we have going on. Thank God the divorce process had started.
My written alibi was ready, so all I had to do was sign it with a date so he could proceed.
In the next day, I came with Jake right before our flight back to New York.
