He shook his head. “Not just a fight, a fight with a man who called me names when he saw me making out with another dude. I was just twenty back then, and you were with me at the club in France.”
Frowning, I wrapped the towel around my neck and held the corners on each side of my head. “And?”
“He kept on spewing to you that I shouldn't be allowed in the Bratva, that you should end my life there, and he kept beating me, but I never hit him back, because I had no strength against him. You didn't help me either. Once he was done, we were left at the back of the club with me lying on the ground bleeding, and you holding a gun, not knowing what the fuck was going on. I thought my days were numbered.”
Yeah, those were the times I preferred not to remember.
“Listen, Vitya—”
He didn't let me finish, interrupting me with his speech. He usually stayed silent. Why all of a sudden did he feel the need to share? “You kneeled next to me and told me I should forever remember that day, to etch it in my brain, so the next time someone punched me for who I was, I was to punch the motherfucker right back.” He had been bleeding from his broken nose. I could still see his hollow eyes as if life had ended for him.
In any other circumstances, it probably would have. No mafia houses would allow openly gay men to be part of the brotherhood.
“I still believe in those words.”
Sometimes talking with the members was exhausting, considering they all had some of my wisdom to give back to me. But how could it be any different? I raised them when Vasya just wanted results. He was a good pakhan, but he didn't give a fuck about their emotional state as long as they could be useful for the brotherhood. The only person he had a soft spot for was Dominic, but I even had him under my wing for years.
“You gave me a chance to live my life, and we both know it. You taught me that day not to think less of myself and to fight back. That’s why you didn't defend me.” Something flashed through his eyes. “That man was found dead the next morning.”
I had no comment to this. We both knew I killed him with no remorse. The fucker was twice Vitya's age. He had no business going around hurting kids. Not on my watch.
“What’s your point, Vitya? This whole girly chitchat grates on my nerves.” Not to mention I was all sweaty and in desperate need of a shower. The only place where I could actually close my eyes and imagine Vivian while wrapping my hand around my dick and getting some kind of relief from this all-consuming desperation my life had become. So in a way, I looked forward to a shower after a workout like a fucking horny teenager who spent most of his days in bathrooms.
He adjusted his shirt back in place, while opening his arms wide. “I will forever be grateful to you for being there for me when I needed you the most. So stop hurting and pushing us all away when all we want is to help you.” He paused for a second. “And remember your place here. Everyone is too scared to tell you, and Dominic is busy with his woman.” He finished and folded his arms while looking at me expectantly.
Fucking hilarious.
Picking up my bag, I passed Vitya and hopped down then turned around to see he was still frowning at me. “Dominic is busy traveling around the world killing everyone involved in his Rosa’s situation. I handle the meetings with investors and the rival mafia houses. I make sure everyone is taken care of, and I supervise Yuri’s financial statutes. During classes, I teach the recruits how not to lose their heads in this world, and at night, I make sure the headquarters are patrolled. Not to mention it’s me on the phone with every authority in the land you guys go to, so you won't have a war on your hands.” His eyes widened in surprise. “Yes, interesting, isn't it? You follow Dominic everywhere, because you are his most trusted person, but you know fucking nothing about what happens here.”
“Radmir—”
Not in the mood for his excuses, I waved my hand so he’d shut up. “Everything runs smoothly in the brotherhood, except for Yuri who, for some reason, got interested in an FBI agent, even though he doesn't want to admit it, and the pakhan, who for a long time everyone thought was crazy, but it turned out his woman was alive, and thank fuck for that.” I pointed my finger at him. “And no one knows about you and Michael, because I squash the rumors the minute they start. So, Vitya, I’m going to say it only once. Never tell me how to do my job or question my actions. Unlike all of you, I was born into this life. You all saw this life as an escape from a nightmare, but for me, it became a nightmare.” Not waiting for his reply, I walked to my wing, wondering when everyone would fucking learn that unlike them, I knew about the responsibilities on my shoulders.
But Vitya was right about one thing.
Enough of this sappy bullshit. I was never the man to wait on life to grant me something, so why start now? Vivian Jackson belonged to me, and it was about time everyone knew it.
Fuck the past.
I’d find ways to punish her for it without having to live without her for the rest of my life.
A man couldn't live without his heart; he could function and survive, but not live.
And I was fucking tired of just surviving in this world.
Vivian
“Mommy?” Jake shouted excitedly from behind me. I turned around just in time to catch him in my arms as he jumped on me, giggling loudly. “We won!” he screeched, and then raised his chin proudly while I hugged him close, breathing in his scent.
Nothing could have calmed me better than him.
“I wasn't even doubting it for a second, baby,” I replied softly, patting his head, as he raised the ball in his hand.
“My goal was winning!” Then he wiggled, indicating he wanted down, so I put him on his feet, and immediately he raced into the living room and plunged on the sofa at the same time turning on the TV. “Cartoon time.”
Shaking my head in amusement at Jake’s attention swings, I couldn't help laughing, because he still had his hockey practice helmet on, but it didn't seem to bother him much.
Alex threw Jake’s hockey practice bag on the floor and placed some paperwork on the table. “They want to transfer him to a more advanced group. He is good for his age.” Pride laced his voice, and I hated it even though he was always good to my son. “I told them they’d have to contact you for that, since we are divorced now.”
