He was definitely asleep. “What?” he demands groggily.
“Open your fucking door or I’m letting myself in. You have two minutes.” I don’t wait for a response as I smash the red button to end the call. With my phone still clutched in my hand, once more I stomp down the hall to Brek’s door.
He opens it just as I stop in front of it. He looks all rumpled and adorable, with wrinkle lines from his sheets all over his exposed skin and his hair sticking up. No glasses. This man is in nothing but his underwear. I nearly sigh because he’s beautiful.
We’ll get to how beautiful he is later. I press my hand on his chest and shove him back into his room. I follow and shut the door behind me.
“What the fuck, Brek? What’s with the ghosting? I asked if you were into it. I asked if you wanted to stop. You decide being with a guy is too freaky after all?” I demand.
Brek shakes his head. “No. Your gender hasn’t crossed my mind.”
“Then what is this freak out over?”
He sighs, hanging his head. I feel a little bad about whisper-yelling at him. I don’t even know why I am. It’s not like my yelling would be overheard. The walls are well insulated.
Probably. I’m not sure we’ve ever had a reason to test that.
“I’m asexual,” he says.
I’m not sure how to respond to that assertion. It also leaves me with more questions since he was definitely hard, and I didn’t at all force that on him.
“Okay.”
Brek sighs. “I spent a lot of years trying to figure out why I wasn’t into it like other guys. Like my friends. I won’t pretend that I asked a lot of questions or seriously looked for answers. I didn’t. It wasn’t until my world truly began to crumble when Oakley started seeing Loren that I actually tried to figure out what was wrong with me and why I reacted the way I did.” He shrugs. “I found a lot of answers, one of which is that I’m asexual. When I was reading about asexuality and all the different facets and its spectrum, it felt like I finally understood something about myself. For eight months now, I’ve lived in peace in my body.I understood myself. There are thousands and thousands of people just like me.”
“And then I come along and something changes,” I guess.
He nods. “Yeah. On the couch… I kind of thought it was a fluke, you know? Something common among asexual people is that they enjoy the thought of sex quite a bit. They like to watch sexy scenes in movies and read them in books. They enjoy talking about it and often enjoy body parts, you know? But when it comes to actually engaging in the event, they’re completely turned off. So I thought when we were kissing on the couch, that’s kind of what was happening to me. It was theideaof sex with you I enjoyed.”
“But when I touched you the other night…”
“And I got off, yeah.”
“Why didn’t you say something?”
Brek turns around and walks to the window. “I don’t want help figuring my shit out.”
“I didn’t offer to help you.”
He glares at me over his shoulder. I grin because I knew that comment wasn’t for me anyway.
“All I’m saying is you could have just told me you’re going through some shit and needed space, Brek. Acting like a dick isn’t cool.”
He huffs, giving me his back again. “I know. I’m sorry.”
“I would have left you alone.”
“I know. I’ve realized that when something is going on with me, my reaction is to be an asshole. I’m sorry, Voss.”
We stand in silence for a while. “Hey.” He looks at me over his shoulder when I don’t say anything else. “Want a hug?”
Brek continues to stare. I’m a little surprised when he nods. He turns and comes toward me. I wrap him in my arms as soon as he’s within my reach.
For a very long time, we stand in front of his bedroom door in the dark of night, locked in a tight embrace. I have a feeling this man doesn’t ask for comfort from another person often.
“Thanks,” he says quietly. “I’m sorry for being a jerk.”
“I forgive you.”
