Through my reading on asexuality, I stumbled upon aromanticism, and maybe more than my understanding of asexuality, reading about aromantic people is what truly helped me put myself back together.
I am that person. Iamaroace. I don’t actually feel romantic love toward my friends—including Oakley. They’re my family, and I felt like I was losing them all. Oakley was the person my subconscious latched onto, which is why he took the brunt of my assholery.
Also, Loren is kinda terrifying. That’s easy enough to admit when I’ve seen the way he looked at me with the intent to murder.
So now I’m staring at one of the stable hands chasing around the hairy cow that got loose and wondering what the fuck just happened to me? What kind of spell did Voss put on me that overrode my asexuality?
I didn’t identify as anything else. No other form or whatever of asexuality. Why is it different with him?
“Oh my god. How long has that been going on?” Honey Bee asks as she joins me on the patio. She’s watching the cow chase with me now. Right behind her are the rest of our friends, and when they see the cow getting the best of the stable hand—oh, there’s two of them chasing the cow now!—they’re all smiling.
“That’s Coodles,” Haze says.
“How do you know that?” I ask.
“His coloring,” Briar agrees. “Toffee is almost all brown, and Jelly Bean looks like a popcorn-flavored bean—mostly white with little spots of color. Coodles is brown and white.”
“Now we have the secret to telling the hairy cows apart,” Oakley says, grinning.
“What’s new with you, Breky?” Honey Bee asks, sliding her arm through mine and leaning her head on my shoulder.
I shake my head, shrugging. Maybe I should tell them. Maybe I should tell someone that I’m locking my door at night because I’m afraid of this new development with me that I don’t understand, and I’m kind of being a jerk to Voss because of it.
Then again, I think everyone expects me to be a jerk, so do I really need to explain it away? I was a jerk when Voss met me. He probably knew it was coming.
“Nothing,” I answer.
“Someone should tell him he’s shit at lying,” Haze comments.
I roll my eyes. “Nothing I want to talk about,” I amend.
“Why?” Honey Bee asks.
“Stop pushing.”
“I would, except you turn into an asshole when you keep things that are bothering you to yourself.”
I snort. At least I was right about the asshole thing. “I don’t want to talk about it right now,” I say, adjusting my statement once more. “I will, but I’m not ready.”
“Does it have to do with Voss?” Levis asks.
I glare at him. His small smile says he’s not at all bothered by my glare. No one else looking surprised means they’ve all seen that something is going on between me and Voss.
Awesome.
“Yes.”
“Is he coming on too strong?” Haze asks.
I frown. “No.”
“Is he pressuring you?” Honey Bee asks.
My frown deepens. “No.”
“Is he ghosting you?” Haze asks.
“Wow. You have high opinions of him.”
