Tiff
I will absolutely call your mother.
Maria
Don’t test us, Torres. You know how much we love dramatic interventions.
I swipe open the thread before they do something neither of us can recover from.
I’m alive. Calm down.
Tiff
Okay, alive is good. Now explain why my timeline told me you were in a relationship today.
Maria
With a Hendrix. A HENDRIX, Alycia. I choked on a damn grape.
Me
Oh, you’re just seeing it today? I guess the news wasn’t everywhere like we thought.
Tiff
Wait what? It’s been longer?
It’s been a couple of months, at least.
Marie
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK! Why are we just hearing about this now?
I figured you knew, hence the reason I’ve been dodging you’re calls for weeks.
Marie
Bitch, what?
Tiff
We were told the dinner situationwas FAKE.
Maria
We were told there was a safe fake boyfriend and a real problem child at work. Then we see a clip of you with the human embodiment of poor decisions and enough chemistry to power the entire city for years, and the following article made is sound pretty fucking real to me.
I hold the phone a little tighter. The lemon candle flickers like it’s judging me.
Remember the fake boyfriend?
Tiff
Yes, the one you paid to have dinner with your mom so she’d stop setting you up with dentists named Brad.
Maria
The one who probably wore a sweater vest and asked you to give him gas money.
